When Platonic Relationships Become Platoxic

I submit to you that platonic friend relationships are some of the best relationships to form. The word platonic, according to the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary - Thesaurus, means of, relating to or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex. It's a relationship where buddies share like sister and brother.

I had a platonic friend once. His name was Ordie. He was like a big brother to me, protecting me from all the goons (other guys) that were out for no good. Come to think of it, I've had a total of three platonic friends. The second one was a guy named David whom I shared with my college roommate Pam. The third platonic friendship ended: the fellow and I got married. Been that way ever since.

Platonic friendships carry their share of challenges. When both buddies are single, the absence of romance and sex can change at any time. Like Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding. She wakes up one morning and realizes she was in love with her best friend only to find out too late that he was marrying someone else. She resorts to all kinds of antics to thwart his wedding plans with the woman he loves.

When a man and a woman from two marriages form a buddy friendship, they have a whole other set of challenges. The jury is still out as to whether a close friend relationship between a married man and woman can maintain its "no romance or sex" status over long periods of time. We're talking about years. When one spouse spends more time with their buddy, or talk to them more on the phone than their own husband or wife, an emotional bond is formed that can be as detrimental to a marriage as if there were some romance happening.

Here are a few signs for spouses whose partners have close platonic friends in which the relationship may be more than just buddies:

1. You have to compete with him/her for your spouses time or attention.
2. Inordinate amounts of time spent on the phone, texting, chatting as well as face to face.
3. Inappropriate words or actions used in conversation with them, or words and actions you aren't comfortable with. ("I love you," or "that turns me on".)
4. Secretive calls or texts. They lie about who it is, or they are not accountable to you about what they talked about.
5. They defend the words or actions of their friends, and you are seen as the big bad wolf picking on the helpless lamb when you express your concerns.
6. In those rare moments that you are with the two of them, you feel like a third leg.
7. Their is a sense of obligation and dependency between your spouse and their platonic friend.
8. One friend is giving the other money or expensive gifts on a regular basis.
9. One or both friends in the relationship is co-dependent on the other.
10. When and if you try to bond with your spouse's buddy, they reject any attempts to form a friendship.

Knowing the signs that there may be trouble ahead or even trouble afoot helps. The spouse who recognizes the signs must tread cautiously. That friend relationship may have grown more important to the husband or wife than their marriage relationship. If the watchful spouse trusts his mate, it is possible to express his/her concerns in order to see what's going on and get closure. It is possible to trust your mate and not trust the other person, or to not trust either of them. The key is not to accuse and risk losing your spouse because you jumped to conclusions.