When You're an Introvert

There are times, when you're an introvert, that people think you are shy or snobby, anti-social, or cold-hearted. Just because you prefer to be alone does not mean there is something wrong with you. Being the life of the party is not the most important thing in the world to you. Actually, just the idea of being at the party can be an ugly thought.

What exactly is an introvert? It has little to do with shyness. An introvert may be shy, but this quality has nothing to do with introversion. I am an introvert. I'm energized by being alone. When I'm around other people for too long, my energy is drained. I bask in the quiet of being alone where I can think and explore my own thoughts and feelings. That's why I enjoy staying home and writing articles, designing my own website, and reflecting and pondering on things from within the inner world of my mind.

Although I am blunt and to the point when I speak, most who have worked with and around me in the past will tell you that I have good social skills. I can do it, I just don't want to. It can be exhausting. I avoid social situations as much as possible, and for me, the alone time is time for renewal.

Introversion is not depression. It's a dimension of the personality. I know people who can't seem to accept this trait and have unrealistic expectations of what I should be like. I don't want to be like them or someone else. I'm going to be like me. I can only be my best me when I have the chance to regain the energy I lose from being around others. Even being around people I like and feel comfortable around can prevent my need and desire to be quietly introspective.

I've had family and friends get offended, because they lack the understanding of introversion. It seems people often feel compelled to 'cure' you of being an introvert and get you out there to do something! They never get it that an introvert is completely happy with their lifestyle. When they can't 'cure' you they may belittle you. Never fear! There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with me.

An introvert may be seen as too serious and that everything for them is black and white. They may be regarded as arrogant or rude. This is a common misconception because we are more intelligent, more independent, more reflective, more level-headed, more sensitive, and most times are more logical than the extrovert. Although introverts don't usually outwardly complain, I can become extremely verbal when my independence is being challenged.

Introverts still have intelligent conversations with others. They prefer discussions about ideas and concepts, not about what they view as trivial matters of social small talk. Much social small talk is viewed, by the introvert, as invasive, non-productive, and non-essential. Many times, this kind of talk can be offensive and sometimes argumentative to the introvert.

Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population. Only about 25%-40% of the general population are introverts. Not only are we intelligent, we are not alone! We may be a minority, but we are the majority of intelligent individuals.

We are not selfish. We are empathetic. We are generally quiet, deliberate, and low-key. We often enjoy writing, reading, watching movies, and designing. Being alone is as restorative as a good night's sleep.

Many introverts feel like actors when they're socializing. The only thing an introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself. If introverts ran the world it would be a saner, calmer, more peaceful place. An extrovert often acts on feelings instead of logical, reasonable thought.

If you have the introvert personality and are in denial, let me tell you this. Once you come to grips with your true personality, you will be liberated from stereotypes and misconceptions.

We are often misunderstood. And why not? Of course it would be difficult for an extrovert to understand the introvert. An extrovert assumes that their company is always welcome and can't imagine why someone would need to be alone.

If you are the introvert, don't be tormented by the extrovert. Gaps in conversation are not awkward, they are fine. Stand firm and tell the extrovert that you are an introvert. Tell them that they are fine the way they are and that now would be a good time for them to just be quiet.

It can be frustrating for one spending time with an introvert, because they think the introvert is not okay and that what is needed is extra effort in drawing the introvert out. Note to the one who is not the introvert: Don't try so hard. We don't need help. You're wasting your time. We are who we are by nature. Don't be offended.

As a final thought, if you are an extrovert and you want to be supportive of the introvert in your life, realize that you don't exist to change the introvert. Don't try to oppress the introvert, because it will wear you out. Don't ask them what's wrong or if they are all right because rest assured, they are. And finally, don't say anything else either.