When You Really Don't Look Forward to a Wedding: What to Do

It is very strange. I find myself dreading a wedding. Not my own. My sister-in-law's. Here's the story. We don't get along. Never have. Most likely never will. She's mean to me. Flat out mean. I have been nice to her for years and have continually been shot down with her nastiness. My wedding a few months ago was pure drama, most of it surrounding her and the fact that she wasn't a bridesmaid. My husband didn't want her in the wedding at all and I didn't want her bitching at me all the time so she wasn't a bridesmaid but she did release a white dove. Thus she was still involved.

She has had a serious boyfriend for three and a half years. She's been begging him for a ring for nearly two years. While we all knew that someday it would happen no one really knew when. Well, that time is now here. He proposed to her. I am genuinely happy for them, I truly am they will complete one another and that's what marriage should be. However, I find myself dreading the wedding or should I really say the "wedding process".

My husband is the outcast in his family and since I didn't do things for the wedding exactly how his mother wanted me to, I became the bitch. Now we are the outcast pair. I already know that everything will be compared to our wedding and the comments will fly about how she should do this and that because she didn't like the way we did this and that. She'll talk about how much prettier she'll look and how much better everything will be. But that's not what I dread most. I dread her asking me to be a bridesmaid. I really hope she doesn't. That is, unless her fiance asks my husband to be a groomsman as well.

Why do I dread this so much you ask? First of all when I was planning my wedding she said on numerous occasions that she was only going to have one attendant, her best friend. I said that's fine, you do what you want for your own wedding and that's how it should be. She didn't like that answer. She had to flat out say "you're not going to be in my wedding". This came up more than once and when I told my mother-in-law what she had said to defend my desire not to include her in my bridal party my mother-in-law told me that was fine she could do whatever she wanted and then continued to lecture me on why she had to be included in my wedding as a bridesmaid.

Secondly, I think she might ask me just to spite me. Honestly, I know it sounds strange, but it's a strong possibility. See if she asks me she'll look like the great daughter and family member who cares so much and loves her extended family more than you guessed it, me. Third, I don't want to put up with her parade of insults. She might put me in a horrible dress and ask me to do a million tasks simply to keep me away from everyone else and far from having a good time. But who knows, it could be fun, right?

So what's a girl to do? If she asks me I'm going to graciously accept her invitation and tell her that I'm so happy for her (because well, I am). I will smile and attend all the activities (bachelorette party, engagement party, bridal shower, etc.). I will do all the tasks she asks me to perform. Everytime she mentions something about my wedding and says how she's going to do it better I will nod and smile. I will not say a cross word to her. I never have before, why start now? Why will I submit so willingly to her every whim you might wonder? Because life is bittersweet.

She can talk all she wants to about how her house is bigger, she makes more money, her dog is better trained, she's more accomplished and how everything she does is harder because in the end I know the truth and someday everyone else will know that truth as well. Her sharp little tongue will get her in trouble one day. She'll piss off the wrong person and even then I won't say a word. I'll just sit back and quietly smile to myself inside. And when the dust settles and everyone sees how well off my husband and I are and how happy our marriage is I won't have to say a word either. Actions speak louder than words. Some things are worth the wait. My husband and I talk about these things all the time. We know where we stand.

So my advice to anyone who might find themselves in a similar situation is this; watch what you say. My dad taught me this years ago when talking about arguments. If you're really careful about what you say you'll never say anything you'll ever regret. And in the end the truth will be seen. People's true colors always blossom at one point or another. If you find yourself dreading a wedding just suck it up and go through it. Things will work out as they're supposed to. Just remember to watch your tongue.