When This Single Person Became a Single Parent

"I'll never have kids!" That's what I used to say to my mom. Never, never, never, was I going to have a family. Marriage, possibly, but kids were out of the question. I wasn't going to be tied down. I was going to have fun with my life, I wasn't going to struggle to pay bills and constantly worry. I didn't want to sacrifice the way my mom had her whole life for us kids. It was all about me.

After graduating high school, I led a relatively responsible life. I had a job, an apartment, a car. I paid the bills. I didn't have to answer to anybody and I did what I wanted when I wanted to do it. I partied a lot. I had casual relationships. For a couple of years, I went along like this. I didn't need any emotional ties. It was still all about me. I had no interest in investing myself in a relationship that could potentially end up in heartbreak.

One sunny Saturday afternoon, as I was heading to the mall for a little shopping spree, I noticed a change in the way my jeans were fitting. They felt so uncomfortable and constricting. I'll admit, I had to pop open the button just to catch a breath. It didn't make any sense. I hadn't changed my eating habits, I was very active, my clothes had not been shrinking, so why did my clothes suddenly not fit me anymore? Chalking it up to a lack of exercise, I made a mental note to start working out again.

The following Monday, a friend at work said, "Are you gaining weight? Your face looks a little chubby. You're not pregnant, are you?" Honestly, I swear, I had never even considered the possibility until I heard her say those words. Taken aback, I considered it for a minute. Everything would make sense...if it were possible...but, no, it couldn't be...she must have read all of this on my face, because she burst out, "YOU'RE PREGNANT!" Oh, geez, I hope not, I thought. What would I do with a baby?

Just in case, I took a pregnancy test that night. In utter shock, an emotional wreck, so traumatized by the little plus sign in the window, I called my friend from work. I screamed, I cried, I freaked! "I can't do this!" I said to her over and over again. She came over with her two kids and stayed with me for the night to make sure I would be okay. We talked for a long time. It was amazing how she was able to calm me down and make me see that there was more than one way to look at this situation. "You'll be a great mom." she said. I didn't know if I believed that, but I was starting to accept the reality of how much my life was about to change. It wasn't going to be all about me anymore.

I found support all around me, in places I never expected. Friends from work threw me a baby shower. Some guys on my pool team surprised me with a stroller. One of my old drinking buddies even offered to marry me, so the kid would have a father figure around! I declined, but I thought it was kind of sweet, anyway. I had never realized how many people cared about me. I realized that I wasn't all alone in this world and that maybe, with a little help, I could handle this after all.

When my daughter was born, it was amazing. I looked into her tiny face and marveled at the sapphire blue color of her eyes. I held this sweet, helpless bundle in my arms and I knew that I would give my life for her. Every little movement or sound she made seemed like another miracle. I had spent so many months worrying that I wouldn't know what to do. But the moment I held her and looked into her eyes, I realized that my love for my child would guide me.

Being a single parent wasn't easy. For three years, it was just the two of us. There were good times and hard times. We had friends who helped us along the way. We always had a roof over our head and food in our bellies. But it did take two jobs to keep that roof over our heads, and sometimes people we thought were our friends were only taking advantage.

I learned a lot about myself and about what it means to be selfless. But I wouldn't do it again for all the money in the world. After raising my daughter alone, I vowed that I would never again be a single parent. It sucks. It's hard. It's not easy for the child, either. I've since had another child, but this time I waited until I was married to a good man who loved me and my daughter, and we planned this child together. Being a parent is the biggest job in the world. Single parents have to work twice as hard. I tip my hat to all who have managed to survive it!