When Do I Tell My Adopted Child They Are Adopted?

Finding out that you are adopted is a difficult thing. What makes it harder is when the adopting parents do not tell the kids the truth. How and when should you reveal to your child that they are adopted? My Mother was an adopted child and the one thing that has always stood out is how well adjusted she turned out to be. In studying why she was, I have found some observations to be common among well adjusted adopted children like my Mother. Hopefully, these observations will help others that are in adoptive families.

The first thing that you must remember is that your adopted child will be curious about their biological parents. It is a normal thing to want to know where you came from and why you are adopted. As such, you should embrace the fact that your child is adopted.

When should you reveal to your child that they are adopted?

This process should begin the day that you adopt your child. Your adopted child should know that they are adopted long before they understand the concept. If you are doing it correctly, then by the time that your child is old enough to understand, they will not be devastated.

How do I tell my child that they are adopted?

Begin by making statements when they are very young that shows the adoption for the positive act that it was. For example one might say, "I am so thankful that I was able to adopt you and give you so much love. I was lucky that I got to pick you." Or you might say, "I love you so much, and I picked you special because of it."

Anything to start the process of understanding early will be helpful. Over the years, bring it up as a positive event. It was, after all!

When do I talk to my child about the fact that they are adopted?

Whenever your child comes to you to gain understanding, you need to be there for them with answers. If you know of their birth parents, tell them what you know. The odds are, they will find out the truth anyway, and they will wish that you were the one that told them.

Temper the truth with tact if they are very young, but do not lie to them. This will create resentment and distrust in the future if you do.

When your child is old enough to understand the concept of adoption, then have a sit down with them and talk it over. Explain why adopting them was such a blessing for you both, and that you will always love them.

What can I do to help ease the pain of my child finding out they are adopted?

First, make sure that you paint adoption as the positive event that it is. Explain that people make mistakes, and that you both were lucky that you were able to help out their original parents. Do not paint their biological parents as villains, even if they are. Your child should make and form their own opinions of them. That will come in time, and it is a decision that is theirs to make.

Keep great records, picture histories, awards, and anything else that a child may want to share with their biological parents just in case they wish to meet them. There is plenty of room for loving in a child's heart and they should follow that heart.

Explain to the child that you are going to always be there for them to talk about it if they need to. This is probably the most important thing that a parent can do for an adopted child. Be there, and be honest.

Revealing that your child is adopted need not be the closet skeleton that people make it out to be. If you resist the urge to keep it a secret, and tell the truth early, your adopted child will grow up with some kind of true identity. Do not wait, and do not think that you can hide it forever.

Embrace it, and bring that adopted child even closer to your heart.