When I Tell Him

When I tell him
I hope his eyes light up
brighter than the Christmas tree
in Time Square.
When I tell him
I hope he kisses me
and wants to put his fingers
in my hair.
When I tell him
more importantly,
I hope he says
"let me get to know you."
When I tell him
Just as importantly,
I will also say
"Good, let me get to know you too."

Read page 2

*Okay, okay., if you are reading, which, you are, I'm not saying that first part about the kissing is gonna happen, I just felt like writing it and also, just, okay, I mean, it's normal for me to think about that, right? I mean, if I did NOT think about that, I'd be a little worried. But, at least I do know what's more important, right? And, I know, I know, I said this would be the last thing you saw for a bit, so you don't get exhausted, reading too much, but, alright, I just won't write as much as I was writing. And, okay, this poem may seem a little corny and maybe some others might too, but, well, sometimes I just feel a little crazy. That's just me. To keep you non confused, I wrote this at 8:58 P.M. ish, on April 19th. And so you'll stay non confused, I won't write any more until the next day and maybe it'll only be one thing. Your welcome. And also, I'm not going to boss you around, and I'm not trying to be rude, but, honestly, I hope you're remembering that lying is only going to insult my intelligence that you really should be proud of me for, which is honestly going to repel me away from you, so, I'm just going to suggest that it would not be wise to do that. Please don't get mad at me for saying this. I want you to know how much it hurts when you feel you're being lied to. Like I told you before, I can not unsee things, unhear things, or unknow things. You can do whatever you want, but, I'm just telling you, I will know. I can't change what I already know. But, at least I'm not lying about it anymore, am I? Someone tells me something that's a lie, I either try to tell them that's not right, or I just don't respond to what they say. Anyways, like I said, I'm not trying to boss you around, so please don't get angry. But I really do think you should be willing to be honest with me if I am willing to be honest with you and actually tell you things to your face. That's only fair. And yes, you can say that life is not fair, and sometimes, not everything is supposed to be fair, which, you'd be right about. But, most of the time, if I don't feel I'm being treated fairly, then I really don't feel like acting fairly. Yes, I know that's wrong, but, the last time I checked, I was only human, and so was everyone else. Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is, can we please just act like ourselves? Whether or not you want me to tell you what I want to tell you? Okay, I'm trying to help here, here's what you can do: When I ask to talk to you about this, if you don't want me to tell you what I want to tell you then, what you can do is nicely tell me that there's nothing I have to tell you, and I will drop it, and we can chill and be ourselves, and just talk. About anything. No, I am NOT trying to control anything, I don't want to do that. I just want to help you. I want you to feel like your care free self and be happy, no matter what's going on. BUT, if that's the case, or whatever is the case, I'm going to tell you rightnow, that it is not fair for me to be the only one who has to make an effort in all situations. And you know what I'm talking about. Anyways, no matter how happy and care free I want you to be, there is also the fact that, I should be able to feel like my care free happy self too, and I should NOT have to be under the weight and pressure of lies and secrets, so please don't do that to me. I'm not TELLING you not to, I'm ASKING you not to, as someone who cares very much about you, and also as someone who wants you to care very much about her. And, if you want me to, I will tell you about how the pressure of lies, and secrets and wanting you to be happy, and things other people said to me, almost greatly influenced my decision, and might possibly have somewhat to do with why I have had so much trouble. Which is why I had to start being blunt and honest with you here. And maybe you don't like the fact that I am doing this and not talking to your face at the moment, and maybe you think I'm crazy for it, but, you are reading it, you TOLD me you have read it. And if you ARE getting upset with me, then that's not fair. I am a very unique person who does things differently, and I have grown to like that about myself, and it would really make me feel a whole lot better if I knew that you liked the fact that I am that kind of person. Because I know I've said that maybe I shouldn't care so much what you think of me, and maybe I shouldn't, but you know, since I care about you so much, your opinion of me does matter very much. I guess I have nothing else to say, so Sweet dreams or have a nice day, depending on when you're reading this. :) *