When is it Time to Call a Marriage Quits?

In the United States today there is a 50% divorce rate. Many couples will give up without so much as a fight to save their marriage. Some couples will stay together and try and work their problems out. How and when do you finally end the marriage?

I am no expert at this. I can only pull from my own experiences and those around me who are, or have been in a bad or unhappy relationship. Many people I know, who have been married, go to one extreme or the next. Some give up on their marriage all to quickly without trying to work it out. Other couples will stay married even when they are unhappy and feeling depressed. There are things that will determine if you should call the marriage quits, or try and work it out.

From my own personal experience there are reasons why my marriage didn't work and why I felt it was time to call it quits. I was married for almost 8 years. The first year was the only good year of the whole marriage. For some reason everything changed. It seemed that once that marriage certificate was framed, that gave my ex-husband the right to become a jerk. His whole mood and attitude changed. He started becoming very negative about everything. He even began having anger issues. This began taking its toll on our marriage. When I thought about separating for the very first time, I found out I was pregnant.

I thought that having a baby would fix the problems. I thought it would calm him down and change his attitude, but it only got worse. I didn't want our son to grow up into a home where he saw negative attitudes and anger all the time. His dad also never seemed to want to spend quality time with him. I just grew tired of it. I packed some belongings and left him after four years of marriage.

We were separated for about a week, almost two weeks when I went back. I went back for the sake of our son, so that he would have both parents. I came from divorced parents myself and knew the hurt I felt when my parents divorced. I didn't want my son to feel those same feelings. Things seemed to go somewhat better at first. That lasted all of two weeks. My ex-husband began reverting back to his usual negative, angry self again. His anger had gotten worse that he was beginning to throw things and punch holes in the walls. I endured two more years of his attitude before I couldn't take it any longer. I left again for a second time.

The second time that I left I was gone for almost a month. During this time I began to question myself as to what I wanted out of life and began dealing with feelings of being a lesbian. I knew that I was but tried hard to hide it. My ex-husband kept in contact, begging me to come back. He told me that if I did he would go to counseling. I agreed to give it a try one last time. By this time I knew that I didn't love him but I wanted to give it my all so that my son would have both his dad and I living under the same roof. We went to counseling and things seemed to go very well. His attitude and behavior changed but yet again it didn't last. Our marriage fell apart for many reasons.

I don't think he was ready for all the responsibilities of being a husband and a father. I was 18 when we married, which says a lot there. I was too young. I never had the time to really think about what I wanted out of life. I never had the chance to grow as my own person. We also had in laws that were constantly interfering in our marriage. We also both realized we did not love each other and that staying together for the sake of a child would only hurt him more in the long run. Lastly, I finally realized that yes I was a lesbian.

Many marriages fail for many different reasons. Mine failed for a number of different reasons but I gave it my all. I believe that once you have tried every avenue to make your marriage work, whether it is separation for a while, or marriage counseling, then it is time to end that marriage. Staying in a marriage for the sake of children will only harm the children in the end. Children are smart young ones who instantly pick up on things that we adults don't realize. Last if your marriage is constantly making you unhappy and depressed then it's time to leave. You have to do what is going to make you happy and just know that in the end it will work out for the best.