When Your Toddler Refuses to Go to Bed

You've weathered the first few years of your child's life and made it through the diaper changes, baby cries and sleepless nights. Just when you think you are finally about to get some real sleep again, your child starts to balk at bedtime. What should you do when your toddler refuses to go to bed? Here are a few tips that worked for me and my two kids.

First of all, pay attention to what is happening with your toddler. Your child may have a legitimate reason why he or she refuses to go to bed. Have there been recent changes or upsetting events in her life? Is he having nightmares, or is your toddler afraid of shadows, the dark, or being alone? Addressing those needs may make a huge difference in putting your child to bed without a hassle and helping him or her get a restful sleep.

When my daughter was small, there was a street lamp that shown on the trees in the backyard and caused odd shadows in her bedroom window. Every night, she would cry that there was a monster outside her window. One night, we took a field trip into the backyard with a flashlight and learned about shadows. Yes, she was only two years old at the time, but she understood it was nothing to be afraid of. Remember, things parents may not find scary can be terrifying to little kids when they don't understand them. Listen and do your best to eliminate those fears.

Avoid using the child's room or bed as a place of punishment. How many times do we send our kids to their bedroom or threaten to send them to bed early if they're in trouble? Kids that are older usually have no problem making the distinction. Toddlers, on the other hand, are still learning boundaries and discovering how to deal with separation from their parents. Using the bed or bedroom as a place to banish or discipline a child who is already struggling with sleep issues may add to the problem and make it difficult to view it as a happy, comfortable place to be. Instead, keep the bedroom off limits and designate an area in the home to use when your child needs a timeout.

Make the hour or so before bedtime a designated quiet time. Rough and rowdy play will excite your toddler and make it harder to settle down to sleep. Also, if there are things the child feels are exciting happening in the other room, he or she will feel left out, and you will have a much harder time getting your child to stay in bed. Turn off the noisy television, or at least turn it down, and put away the noisy games and toys. Instead, spend the time listening to calming music, reading stories together or doing other quiet activities. The transition time will help toddler settle down and make bedtime more appealing. When I began doing this, I found that both I and my child were more relaxed and ready for bed. You most likely will, too.

Make sure nap time is not interfering with your toddler's ability to sleep at night. The National Sleep Foundation recommends that toddlers get between 11 and 14 hours sleep each day. That time includes both naps and sleep at night. If your child is taking too many naps or napping too close to bedtime, it may interfere with his or her ability to sleep at night. On the flip side, sleep disruptions also may occur if your toddler is not getting enough sleep. When a child is overtired, he or she may have even more trouble settling down to rest at night.

Anticipate the usual requests your toddler makes at bedtime and meet them before tucking him into bed. If your child's typical excuse for getting out of bed is that he's thirsty, head off that excuse by giving him a small sip of water before he gets into bed. Also, try to keep a comfortable temperature in the room, the nightlight on, items tucked away that cause odd shadows, or the bedroom door left open a crack. If things around your child are different, it may make him or her feel uncomfortable. If your toddler is uncomfortable, he or she will not be a willing participant in going to bed.

Praise your toddler when she goes to bed well and be patient, yet firm, when she doesn't. Many young kids respond well to small incentives like a sticker chart to mark the nights when they go to bed with refusal or a fuss. Be sure to praise your toddler for a job well done. On the nights when your toddler still fights you at bedtime, be patient but remain firm in your stance. Giving in to your child's requests to get out of bed or stay up longer will set a precedent and only make it harder to stick to the bedtime routine the next night.

Establish a regular bedtime routine with your toddler and stick to it every night. Young children need to structure and consistency. While your child may balk at the idea in the beginning, be strong and adhere to it. Your toddler will soon learn that once the routine is complete, he is expected to go to bed. Begin by determining a reasonable time by which your child should be in bed every night. Give the child a fifteen minute warning before the bedtime routine will begin, so he can finish up whatever he's doing. At the set time, lead your child in the routine you decide on. Typical routines might include picking up toys, taking a bath, putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, having a small drink of water, reading bedtime stories, using the bathroom, giving hugs and kisses to family members, or saying prayers. Try to limit the length of the routine. Remember, you will be doing it every night.

Sources:
"Child sleep: Put preschool bedtime problems to rest," Mayo Clinic.
"All About Sleep," Kids Health.
"Children and Sleep," National Sleep Foundation.

Other articles by this author:
"How to Handle Your Child's Public Meltdowns"
"How Can I Protect My Sleepwalking Child?"
"Six Ways to Boost Your Child's Immunity"