When You Are Unfairly Compared to Another

If you ask a search engine like www.Ask.com a question along the lines of 'why am I being unfairly compared?', the answers that come up are few. Most of them deal with issues of domestic violence, or even touch on issues of homosexuality and other things that pervade in society. But the things that come up do not address a common thing that takes place in many homes around the world: that of one family member comparing the other to another person whether inside or outside of the family that they simply admire or wish you were more like.

In fact, this situation mostly arises between a parent and child or between husband and wife. And because it is more prevalent than most of realize, we must find answers to the angst these sometimes unfair comparisons cause to the one receiving the blow.

First of all, examine what is taking place. Ask yourself, Is the person who is comparing you to another really doing so out of evil intent? Or could it be that they are actually trying to help you? If you look at it that way, you may be less likely to feel downhearted, but instead you may find yourself using the information to better yourself! One young woman, married only a couple years, found herself so downhearted when her husband would constantly compare her to other young women who in his eyes seemed to possess things she did not. It was hurtful, but she came to realize that she could work on those things about herself . . . and eventually she surpassed all those other young women her husband spoke highly of, and became even better than them - leaving her husband awe-struck and more in love with her.

But even if you find out that the person who is unfairly comparing you to another is doing so out of evil intent, still do not allow yourself to be downhearted. Always put a positive spin on everything!

It may be helpful to actually approach the person (never make them feel as though you are cornering them or something, however) and respectfully explain how they are making you feel when they compare you like that. It could be that this person is completely unaware of the hurt they are inflicting on you, and in the interest of his relationship with you he may choose to mend his ways!

Speak respectfully, when it is your turn to speak, when you are being unfairly compared. Getting hot and angry and bursting out in a rage does you no good, and it certainly doesn't do any good in the mind of the one who is unfairly comparing you to another.

Try standing in the shoes of the one who is saying these things to you. You may just find out that they are struggling with issues of their own, perhaps disappointments in the way their life has turned out. It is probably that their blows are not meant to hurt you at all!