When Your Wallet is Worth More Than You

Each month, I fork out the tuition to learn what will make me so cool on stage and what will get me a members-only pass with the "in-crowd" at the after-hours party. I know that emulating the fashion magazines are purely a numbers game, and after so many trips to Bloomingdale's, I am bound to buy the one coveted item that is this season's jackpot of everyone's envy. It doesn't matter if I don't have the cash, I can always charge it or better yet, call up Joey's loan company and "float" a check until my next payday. If my shoes don't get noticed, at least I am up to date on who is dorking who and why so-and-so was voted off or fired during prime-time television.

Flipping through the magazines cover to cover is never less than a mixture of scandal and seduction. This is the moment to live vicariously through idolized celebrities while at the same time enjoying a whirlwind courtship with the magazine's senior editor. The inside headlines strung across the pages are always captivating me like a deer caught in headlights: He can't buy you this bustier - sleep with your boss for a bonus!Everyone is wearing this diamond tennis necklace - sell your kidney!If you can't afford this dress - blow your Manhattan rent!

As do most young glamorous people, I break down, literally at times since I would rather pay for a new Rolex watch than get a flu shot, and rush to the stores to pilfer through the racks of designer shoes, coats, dresses and accessories. Last year, I found on sale and couldn't resist splurging on myself since I do deserve it - a $1,000 Gucci wallet that was made in Italy from genuine leather. The deep darkness of the raw umber made my mouth water each time I looked at it, recalling the delicious taste of rich chocolate. Oh, the waft of burnt cowhide against my nose was breathtaking and took me on a quantum trip to a brand-new car with leather interior. The stitches that held the wallet together felt like the softest baby skin underneath my fingertips. This was worth every penny of the five hundred percent interest loan that I needed to take out to buy this wallet fresh from the haute-couture slaughterhouse.

The glitz soon wore off and I found myself spending eight long months staring at that wallet while my eyes were popping out from my head. I should have spent the money on an eye exam and new lenses but if you really want something extraordinary, you must sacrifice. Day and night I ogled it hoping to understand the meaning of having a wallet that had more value than my personal net worth. Here in my hand, I am holding the world's most beautifully constructed wallet made from the finest Italian ingredients. The fashion's attention to detail was meticulous yet it puzzled me as to what its purpose is.

It looked good in the magazine with the Benjamin bills sticking out of it as I used my mind's eye to imagine it being in my pocket. The horizontal slits of the wallet in the advertisement held gold, platinum and silver credit cards next to the model's driver's license mug shot that was nothing less than a museum piece. I was maxed out in debt from buying it so there wasn't any actual money that I could put into the pouch. My ocean of multi-colored Capital One and Orchard Bank credit cards just didn't do any justice to the wallet's high-fashion class of luxury. For a moment, I started to feel as if for once a magazine had duped me until I realized there are creative ways for a broke person to use an expensive genuine leather wallet.

Use it like Granny's coupon clutch.

Throw out that old, tired accordion coupon sorter with the rubber band around it and store them in the expensive leather wallet. Studies show that a lot of married people "bumped" into each other in the supermarket aisle. This is the place to show a potential mate that you're not only a high roller but also a smart shopper.

Use the wallet as bait to waive down a taxi or leave it on the bar to get better service.

It helps if you have a one hundred dollar bill sticking out of the wallet so that the driver or bar tender will know you're a big spender. If you're tapped out, you can always borrow the money from your friends and family. It would be well worth the investment if you can get by on enough good looks where the drinks will keep coming all night from the single party at the next table.

Use it to store your bus pass.

Flashing the expensive leather wallet to the bus driver makes for a great conversation piece since everyone will ask how long your sports car has been in the shop. As the most to-die-for passenger during the dreaded trek through the city make sure you flash your wares to keep up the illusion of wealth. This is to show off how much of an impressive life you really have while you're being squashed up against someone's sweaty armpit. This will give them a lesson that success is all about going to work with deodorant.