When Your Wife is the Primary Wage-Earner

Although in most houses in the United States, men are still the primary wage earners, there are still a significant number of households in which women bring home the most dough. It can be difficult for a man to come to terms with the fact that he earns less than his wife, as a friend of mine has been discovering over the last few years. It isn't that we feel we should earn more than our wives; it's just that we were taught that we should take care of our families.

When your wife is the primary wage-earner, you might suffer feelings of doubt and diminished self-confidence. This is perfectly normal, particularly if there has been a sudden shift in your income status. For example, men who suffer accidents and are rendered unable to work might find it more difficult because they are used to making more than their wives.

It's important for men and women to view marriage as a teamwork setting rather than a competition. The money brought into the house is shared income and doesn't belong to either of you exclusively. Many men who make more than their wives consider their income to be shared income, while their wives' paychecks are their wives' money. This is an unhealthy balance in teamwork because one person will start to feel undervalued.

When your wife is the primary wage-earner, you have to learn how to let go of your ego and come to terms with the fact that you make less. It is also a time to feel pride for your wife, who obviously works very hard for what she makes. Perhaps she caught a big break in the corporate world or maybe she started her own successful business. Whatever the case, you must view this success as a shared blessing.

Furthermore, it is true that one of the biggest causes of divorce in the U.S. is money troubles, which isn't always defined as lack of funds. Some men - regardless of how they think intellectually - will begin to resent their wives for being the primary wage-earners, which will undoubtedly cause a rift in the marriage. Your wife shouldn't have to apologize for making more money than you, just as you don't need to apologize for making less.

At this point in our history, it is becoming ever more clear that equality is growing. While women statistically make less than their male counterparts, they are continuing to gain ground. The concept of the wife at home in her apron, waiting for her husband to come home doesn't necessarily exist anymore, nor should it. Family dynamic should be determined on a case-by-case basis rather than as a generalization.

Take pride in your work. Regardless of how much money you make, it's important to take pride in the work you do. Even if your wife is the primary wage-earner, you still bring home money for your family.

Congratulate Your Wife. Again, your wife shouldn't feel guilty about her success, so continue to encourage her to pursue her dreams. This doesn't mean that you have to make peace with the situation right away, but you also shouldn't take your frustrations out on your family.

Define Your Own Success. Just because your wife is the primary wage-earner doesn't mean you can't have success. Keep working toward your own goals, even if they don't include monetary milestones.