When Will My Baby Come Home?

Introduction
Giving birth and having a baby is the greatest joy a person can experience. It is a glorious day in the lives of many people. It is that special moment when a new life enters the world. The joy of the day, and the pride of the parents far exceeds everyone's expectations. The parents are ready to take their baby home and enjoy the new life they help to create. Everyone is elated and filled with tons of happiness.

From the moment a woman get's pregnant, the planning and preparation was all in anticipation of this moment. For many parents the delivery leads to taking the baby home in no more then a few days from the delivery. Some even get to take the baby home the very next day. It is what all pregnant mothers pray, hope, and prepare for once the due date approaches.

Now, the moment has arrived, but something has gone wrong. They won't be taking the baby home as they had planed. The baby will stay in the hospital until he/she gets stronger, bigger, or healthier.

Babies born too soon, or with serious health problems will stay in the hospital for months or, in some serious cases, as long as a year or more. Where does this leave the parents? How do they cope with the reality that their baby will spend this crucial part of their lives in a hospital?

This article deals with what these parents go through while their baby fights to survive this early part of their lives. It looks at the lives of these parents who must face this stressful time. They deal with doctors, nurses, social workers, and other hospital staff instead of living each day in their own homes with their new baby. They struggle with family issues, but are unable to participate because they must stay near their babies.

This article is from the perspective of these parents. It focuses on, how they cope; where many stay while the baby is in the hospital; and the other problems they face during this time. This is not an article telling any one story. It is not an article about my own opinions. It is an article dealing with the issues of the parents of these special babies struggling to survive the earliest part of their lives.

The people mentioned in this article are not rich. They are just people who are trying to cope with the hand they have been dealt. They are people who have no choice but to rely on the resources of the hospital and other agencies to survive their ordeal. They do not have the means or financial ability to salvage their lives as others might in the same situation with more financial stability.

This article is based mostly on the my observations and the conversations I have had with some of the parents I met while spending time at the Ronald McDonald House, with my daughter, as my grandson struggled for survival in Columbus Children's Hospital. It expresses the feelings and life changing events which these parents faced with courage and strength.

This is a true account of what was seen and heard, but I do not use last names. This is to protect the privacy of these special people. I will only use the first names of the three couples, two single mothers, and one single father who make up the six actual examples representing six babies which were all patients of Childrens Hospital in Columbus Ohio. Since these babies were struggling to survive and this article deals with how the parents cope with this, the babies names will not be used. Jordan, my grandson will be the only name mentioned in regards to the babies. Many were much sicker than Jordan, and I do not wish to exploit the pain of these parents or their babies. This is to further protect the privacy of the other parents, and the precious babies who fought for their lives.

Six Babies Born: Six Different Situations which Represent the Struggles of Parents, Trying to Cope with Sick Babies Fighting to Survive at Columbus Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio.

(Basic information about the health issues of the babies is expressed here and is the foundation of this article. These parents first names will be used when necessary within the article in reference to their particular situation.)

1.Rachel and Kyle
Rachel had a lot of problems bringing my grandson into this world. She had Toxemia which is caused by high blood pressure while pregnant. She went into labor early and had to have a Cesarean. It was touch and go when she went into surgery, but her and the baby survived.

Jordan was born at OSU Medical Center in Columbus, Ohio at 32 weeks gestation (April 14, 2007) and weighted only 2 pounds and 14 ounces. The doctors said he would have to stay in the hospital until his due date of June 8, 2007.

Kyle, her boyfriend and the baby's father, would get them registered at the Ronald McDonald House so they would be closer to the baby. Shortly after Rachel was released from the OSU Medical Center, Jordan was transferred to Columbus Children's Hospital which was located right next door to the Ronald McDonald House. They would stay at the McDonald House until the baby was ready to be released from Children's Hospital.

Jordan's only health issues were related to his being born early. He was never on a breathing machine. He was on a feeding tube, monitors, and C pap, to remind him to breath, for only 24 hours. He had feeding issues and low body temp, but compared to most of the babies at Children's Hospital, he was very lucky.

2.Chrystal and James
Their baby boy like Jordan was born early. Their baby seemed to do well and also like Jordan had no major problems. They only had to deal with the normal set backs of having a Preemie. Their biggest problems was where they would go once their baby came home. They had to give up their house because of the circumstances of being in Columbus so long. They, also, had two other children which stayed with them at the Ronald McDonald House. They had little choice but to have their children with them.

This couple stayed at the Ronald McDonald House about two months which is pretty normal for parents of a Preemie.

3.Sara and Billy
This was another young couple who had a baby boy who was born early, and it was discovered that the baby had a rare form of Dwarfism. This baby was very small. I am not sure how big this baby was, but it is known that the health problems of this baby would leave him in the hospital for many months. The baby was still in Children's Hospital when Jordan went home.

4.Danielle
Danielle was a mother of a baby boy who was born with a bad heart and bad lungs. This baby had to have a Heart-Lung Transplant. She had been at the Ronald McDonald House for a year or more by the time she finally got to leave and take her baby home. This mother had been living in South Carolina and had to move back to Ohio before her baby would be released from Columbus Children's Hospital. The Hospital wanted her to be closer to the people who had done the transplant.

Danielle had another child at home. This mother constantly struggled with her responsibility to the baby in the hospital, while missing the child who was left at home.

5.Dawn
This is the saddest of all the cases mentioned here. Her baby girl was born early and with a rare form of Infant Leukemia. She had been there for eight months when Rachel and Kyle got to the McDonald House.

Her baby only managed to get a short break from the hospital to go to the McDonald House. They wanted the baby to be real close to the hospital for treatment while letting Dawn have some time to get use to taking care of her baby on her own.

The baby girl had a bad episode and was taken back to Children's Hospital. The baby hung on to life, but only for a short time. The baby died soon after being back at the hospital.

6.Bill
He was a single father of a baby boy born premature with serious lung problems who had been abandoned by the mother. After the baby was born and the mother was released from the hospital, she split and left Bill to take all the responsibility of his baby boy all on his own.

This guy was one who kept everyone in good spirits. He was the stress reliever of the whole group. The only time his spirits came down was when he had a major ordeal with the staff of the Hospital. Most of the time, he was the rock that held the group together. He faced his responsibility and was unwavering about seeing his baby to health and taking his baby home.

He had been there a very long time. I am not sure exactly how long he was there, but I know it was many months if not close to a year. Every time he thought he was getting close to going home, something else would happen. His baby had many major setbacks which delayed his return home.

Life for These Parents at the Ronald McDonald House
I went up to the Ronald McDonald House to lend my support to Rachel and Kyle while spending time with my new grandson. Jordan is my first grandchild, and I wanted to be a part of his life from the very beginning. I had been at OSU the night he was born and before he was transferred to Children's Hospital, but I wanted and needed to be close to them all during this stressful time.

I soon found that life there for these parents was no picnic to say the least, not that I would have expected it to be easy for them. You just don't realize how much these parents go through until you see it first hand. Here they were with babies struggling to survive and living miles away from their homes. Some were even from other states.

Time actually seemed to stand still for these parents. Their lives where on hold. It revolved around the uncertainty of their particular situation, and the baby who was in Children's Hospital.

I had never been through what my daughter, her boyfriend, and these other parents were going through, but my heart went out to them. I tried to lend support and an ear to listen as much as possible. There is no way a person could fully understand what these parents were going through unless he/she had been through this experience. Offering support was about the only way I could even come close to helping these courageous parents.

For Rachel, Dawn, Sara and Billy, this was their first baby. It was a very rough entrance into parenthood. Kyle, Chrystal, James, Danielle, and Bill had other children.
Kyle, Danielle, and Bill had children who were being left behind because they were needed in Columbus by the baby in hospital. Chrystal and James had their two other children with them. For any parent this experience would be a nightmare, but for the new parents it seemed all the more stressful. All these parents tried very hard to remain strong amidst their turmoil.

These parents had to follow a ton of rules at the McDonald House. This you would expect, but many times a cranky or grouchy worker only added more stress to these parents. The weekly inspections were accepted, but many times a certain parent seemed to be picked on by an overzealous worker. Workers who certainly were not taking these parents' current situation into account at all.

These parents often just could not hold back any more and would just break down. Who could blame them? I don't think anyone in their situation could avoid it. Listening to parents expressing their grief and overwhelming stress through their tears was often a part of our gatherings. No one could expect them to always be strong. This was the hardest thing they would ever go through.

Think about it. They were away from their homes; with little money; staying in a strange place; living with the uncertainty of their little one's outcome; trying to stay strong to care for these precious souls; dealing with doctors and hospital staff; fighting loneliness, frustration and depression; and faced with the attitudes workers at the Ronald McDonald House. I doubt anyone else could have held it all together better then these parents did.

I was totally amazed by them. I paid close attention to what was happening there at that time with their babies in the various states of health at the hospital. These parents were struggling and that was obvious, but they still managed to laugh and maintain their composure most of time. They all knew the best they could do for their babies was to maintain their own mental health.

Their lives at this time did not exist outside the grounds of the McDonald House and the hospital next door. They may go off the grounds to get supplies, but they could not stay gone for long.

Many who were there were not even sure they would have homes to return too. How can you maintain a home miles away and be in Columbus at the same time? No landlords that I know of will wait months or a year for their rent and for someone to return.

Many had no idea how they would survive once they did leave Columbus. Everything was sacrificed for them to be there and to be close to their babies. Many would go home for a weekend or alternate with another family member, but this had to be approved by the Children's Hospital Staff. They could not freely come and go.

Rachel and Kyle had family support behind them; Dawn had her mother with her most of the time; Danielle had a grandmother who came up and tried to offer support. While I was there, it seemed Chrystal, James, Sara, Billy, and Bill had limited access to other family members if they had it at all. There were many who had no other family members who seemed to offer much help or support.

Rachel and Kyle were luckier then most up there. Jordan stayed on a pretty consistently increasing state of health. He grew and recovered from his setbacks rather quickly. He was even able to leave a little over a week before his due date. He left the hospital around the end of May. My daughter put it best when she said, Next to most of the people here, my struggles with Jordan seem minor. These other parents have gone through far more then I did. If they can get through their pain and struggle, I can get through mine. I know we will survive this ,and Jordan will come home.

Chrystal and James were the closest in that their baby had a more similar experience to Jordans. Crystal and Rachel often traded information back and forth. They both gained a great deal of strength from each other.

Sara and Billy's baby was doing okay considering his condition, but he had more breathing issues. His road to health was far longer then Jordan's.

Danielle's Baby was battling everything and at times we wondered how she could survive it all. There was always something. Not only did she have the issues of Children's Hospital to deal with, but she had a transplant team who seemed never to be satisfied no matter how much time she spent at the hospital. They required her to be there for at least eight hours every day and sometimes longer. It had to be frustrating and hard for her. By the time Rachel and Kyle left he was doing great, but Danielle had learned she would have to move back to Ohio. Children's Hospital would not let the baby be transferred to South Carolina.

Dawn's Baby was always having issues. This baby fought a hard battle, but lost it in the end. We were all saddened to hear that her baby had died.

Bill's baby was always having set backs and health issues were always popping up. The baby did grow stronger. He did get to take his baby home, but the baby would be on oxygen at home and would need special care.

The best part about their experience at the Ronald McDonald House was that they went through their turmoil together. None of them were truly alone with their suffering. They shared their joys and sorrows with each other and found the strength to keep strong for the well-being of their babies. They may have had some personality issues at times, but they managed to over look them when a problem or crisis arose. This is the single greatest benefit of the Ronald McDonald House.

With all the complaints they had about the rules and staff, deep down, they all had to be grateful this place existed. The Ronald McDonald House allowed them to be close to their babies. None of them would have been able to be there if not for this place. I do not know of many parents, especially mothers, who would want to leave their baby in a hospital miles away from them. My daughter is certainly one of them. Most mothers want to be close to the baby they have just given birth to, and the Ronald McDonald House makes this possible.

This particular McDonald house just happened to have some staff who was not quite up to the task of dealing with these parents. I have heard great things from other parents about Ronald McDonald Houses in other cities. The reader must also understand that a major part of the problems were not with the House, but the hospital which governs many of the rules at the House as well. They were interconnected. The people who worked at the Ronald McDonald House had to keep the hospital staff happy. The stability of the House depends on it.

Dealing with The Demands of Columbus Children's Hospital
Let me take a minute to explain this section of the article. I am not trying to dishonor this hospital which, according to stats, is very high in it's field and ranks high in research. All I am doing here is letting the reader know that, as good as a hospital may appear, there are always problems when there is human interaction. I am writing this article without bias. I am leaving my own opinions out of it. I am just trying to show the problems faced by the parents represented in this article. My opinion in this matter does not count. I have never been in this particular situation.

When your baby is in Columbus Children's Hospital, your life is theirs. You have little control. Just about every day, while sitting out side smoking or talking, I would hear a parent come back from Children's Hospital with a complaint about a certain staff member over there.

This hospital demands a lot out of these parents, and the parents never failed to let someone know what had happened. Oh, don't misunderstand, these parents knew that having a child in the hospital meant they had to take a certain amount of responsibility. Many had no problem going over to the hospital every day and spending time with their babies. They just knew that if they could not maintain their own health by eating and resting, they would be no good to their baby.

Also, a nurse would be in a bad mood and take it out on the parents. One nurse was rather rough when she took Jordan out of the Isolette. (An enclosed baby bed used to maintain a baby's body temperature.) There was just a general feeling emanating from these parents that some of the hospital staff showed little or no compassion for the amount of stress they were under. They seemed to care little about the situations these parents were trying to struggle through.

If parents were doing very little to help their babies, then it made sense that the staff take action. To these parents who were trying to do their best, they felt the staff should take that into consideration. Many time parents like Bill and Danielle seemed never to be able to do enough. The more time they spent over at the hospital; the more time the staff expected them to be there.

The hospital expected the parents to be there at the hospital no matter what was going on with their home life or work requirements. A clear of example of this was heard in the a conversation between a nurse and a father which I overheard while visiting Jordan. This father was commuting back and forth to see his baby. The nurse told him he was to either take a leave of absence from work or quit the job. His baby was more important then the job. Well, I agree, the baby should be more important, but it takes money to care for the baby. It made me wonder, what the hospital would say if the man lost his insurance. It is not cheap to have a baby in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) of Columbus Children's Hospital. This is not an opinion. This is a fact. A hospital may not turn people away for an inability to pay, but they expect the bill to be paid once the patient leaves the hospital.

All the parents were frustrated. Their lives were tuned upside down, and the most support they received was from their families and each other. No one could fault them for how they felt. They had lost a lot just being there. They were making sacrifices for their babies. They only wanted a little appreciation from the hospital staff. They loved their babies, and it was clearly expressed by all these parents.

Rachel and Kyle had a couple of bad episodes with nurses, but they had a few really good nurses who they really liked. Even Jordan had his favorites. You could tell by the way he responded to certain nurses.

These parents had to be careful. If they did anything which seemed wrong to the staff at Children's Hospital, Children Services would be contacted. This put a lot of added pressure and stress on the parents. It seemed like all eyes were watching them and waiting for them to stumble and fall. They waiting for the right time to yank the baby from the parents. Some parents at the Ronald McDonald house had problems with Children Services while they were there and others were cautious of it happening to them.

Under normal circumstance, these parents probably would not act so edgy. Dealing with these issues for a long period of time, would cause anyone to be edgy and insecure. They were having sleepless nights, under truck loads of stress, they were far away from their homes, feeling like their world was turned upside down, worrying about their babies, and just plain frustrated by the whole experience . The joy they did have was in the faces of their babies who kept fighting for their survival.

Listening to these parents express their problems, it became clear that those who had the most problems with the staff of the Children's Hospital, were those who had the sickest babies. As if having a sick baby does not cause us enough stress, we have to deal with staff that, at times, are just downright mean. Bill said during one of our conversations. It seemed because they knew he had a limited education and had problems with reading and writing, he was dumb. This was certainly not the case and his love for his baby was obvious to anyone who was truly paying attention. However, Bill was one who didn't let it get him down, and he did not let them bully or intimidate him. He made it a point to be at that hospital most of the time, and he made sure they knew he was there.

He was probably one of the smartest parents in dealing with the staff at Columbus Children's Hospital.

Overall, all of these babies, except one, survived so it was clear that Children's Hospital did take care of the health issues of these babies. They did their job in caring for the babies. This does reflect positively on the capabilities of this hospital. The parents would have been more receptive if they had just felt the hospital staff were concerned about the ones who would be caring for these babies.

All of these nine parents showed concern and love for their babies. They wanted healthy babies like all parents. They made the sacrifices to see this happen. If I could see this, the staff at the hospital should have seen it.

Hospitals have rules and principles to follow. I know they must enforce them, but a little compassion and understanding goes a long way. It can minimize the stress in parents who already have enough of it to deal with by just having their babies in the hospital.

Conclusion
There is a whole lot of issues involved when parents are dealing with a child born to soon and with major health problems. When they give birth, the normal progress is to take the baby home when the mother goes home. For many it doesn't happen that way.

These are the parents who have to make major sacrifices. Most know this is their responsibility. When it is all over and that precious baby does go home, these parents will tell you, it was well worth the effort.

Every parent mentioned in this article needs to be commended for their strength and courage. They fought the odds and stayed strong while facing the challenges placed on them by hospital staff and family situations. They didn't give up and held on to hope which carried them through the troubled times.

Ronald McDonald House makes it possible for parents to have place to stay while being close to the hospital. Mothers and fathers with limited financial means can stay close to their children. This too, allows them to share their pain with others who are dealing with similar situations. The degrees of sickness may be different, but the pain is real for all regardless of the degrees of sickness.

No one can understand the struggles and feeling of these parents unless they have gone though these same situations themselves. Hospital staff can help these parents cope, by offering a little compassion and support. Most nurses and doctors do try to do this, but there are still those who undermine the whole process. When you are dealing with these situations, your emotions are on edge. A staff member who is loading more stress onto a parent, is not caring for the baby. The baby or child will need that parent to be secure and strong. If the parent is getting overloaded by overzealous staff members, the baby will pay the price.

We all know that bad parents make it hard for good parents. The hospital staff will deal with both on a daily basis. They need to look at each individual situation and not compare one with the other.

Babies do not come with an owners manual. Babies born too soon or with serious health problems will need different care. If the hospital wants these parents to care for these babies properly, they need to teach the parents with compassion and understanding.

The parents in this article were dedicated to their babies. They showed the courage and strength to see their babies to a healthy end. They wanted to take home healthy babies. They made sacrifices that few could ever understand or comprehend. Their rewards come when they finally take their little miracle home. As the baby grows their joy is increased, and they then know it was worth every effort.

For Dawn, who lost her baby, she can hold on to the fact that she was there for her baby until the end. She can hold onto the time she had with her baby girl and the memories they shared. She can cherish these memories as the joy of having this baby girl in her life even if it was only for a short time. This baby will always be in her heart.

The babies fought hard fights and helped to strengthen their parents. They gave their parents the strength and determination to keep going

These parents are reflections of the love every child needs to grow and survive. Children are the greatest joy life can give to us. Parents can cherish each moment. No parent will ever be sorry because the rewards are great.