When Words Go Wrong

Sometimes language can take on a life of its own and end up with a new meaning, completely different from what was intended. And I am not talking about 'Bushisms' here, when language gets muddle and garbled; what I'm talking about is perfectly sensible and well formed language which has an unintended ambiguity. Of course words with a double meaning are a staple of comedy routines everywhere, and their use known as a pun. Often the use of puns in comedy can be a bit corny and not all that funny, but when ambiguous language crops up naturally, in unexpected places, it can be much more amusing.

I think I should start off with a warning: If you are ever setting up a website be careful when you are choosing the name. Taking away the space between the words of a name to make up the website address can have unfortunate consequences.

The Therapist Finder website, set up to help people find a suitable psychotherapist in their local area, found this out to their cost after being inundated with emails from people looking for fugitive sex offenders at their website therapistfinder.com (The Rapist Finder)

Another website, called Who Represents, designed to help people find the agent for any entertainer, might just as well have been selling gifts for that special prostitute in your life, or some kind of pornographic circus show, after purchasing the address whorepresents.com

When Pen Island decided to promote themselves online as a tourist destination they hardly gave the impression of a family friendly environment with their website penisland.com

The Experts Exchange, a website for academic experts from different fields to exchange ideas, was an unexpected hit with the transgender community after setting up shop at expertsexchange.com

And the amusing consequences of ambiguous language are not confined to the internet. In fact some of the best examples come from the old fashion medium of print, and newspaper headlines in particular. One of my personal favourites lead many people to think that law enforcement officers on the night shift were being worked too hard, or that coffee should be reclassified as a 'gateway drug' after the Newcastle Chronicle reported: "Police alert on stolen drugs".

In Scotland many residents were left wondering whether their taxes were being spent in an appropriate manner after a review a review of pornography laws by member of the Scottish parliament was reported in the Edinburgh Evening Mail with this headline: "MSP's to take a close look at pornography"

When a commission looking into a new storage facility for nuclear waste in northern England published its findings disaster was only narrowly avoided after officials at the ministry of defence got hold of this headline from the North West Evening Mail: "Green light given to nuke waste dump"

Pet shop owners across the world thought they were going to be rich after the sale of a financial institution was reported in the Independent: "Lloyds sell Goldfish to Morgan Stanley for £1bn".

Health and safety inspectors rushed to a local tourist attraction after the Sunderland Echo announced: "Glass center visitors go through the roof".

When a high profile property development was halted by a court challenge from conservationists claiming to have found rare and endangered species of flora at the site the developers suspected foul play, perhaps making the following headline inevitable: "Rare flower found on site is a plant, say developers". Well duh.

Public fears about over-zealous interrogation techniques risked turning into a cannibalism panic after the following headlines: "Police grill murder suspect" (Queensland Times) and "Commissioners grill treasurer" (Las Cruces Sun-News).

The possible resignation of a peer of the realm turned into a theological controversy when the Calgary Sun informed its readers: "Lord to decide future next month".

An orgy of stationary related violence swept across the Welsh Valleys after the findings of an environmental commission where reported in the North Wales Weekly News: "Report shows need for paper cuts".

Terrorist readers of the Daily Mirror were disappointed to find the true content of the trade dispute article headlined: "Strikes to paralyse travellers".

Likewise the organisers of a popular local movement to save a newly-wed woman from certain death were devastated when an embarrassed editor at the Southampton Daily Echo explained their headline: "Bride to be killed by boy racers".

But perhaps the classic of this genre doesn't come from newspapers or websites. This happened some years ago now, and most of the UK have probably heard it repeated at some point, but for our American cousins, and just because I love it so much, here it is: The location was an English cricket match where a popular young bowler known affectionately by the public as Willy was squaring up against a seasoned batsman known more formally by his surname of Holding. Those fans listening at home on the radio who were not familiar with the cricketers names, but all too familiar with slang terms for the male genitalia, were shocked to hear the commentator announce that: "the batsman's holding the bowler's willy".