Where is "Breaking Bonaduce?"

If you look at the opening credits of "Breaking Bonaduce: Season 2," there is reason to believe that something spectacular-or horrifying, depending on your P.O.V.-is about to take place. Bondauce, that chubby, uh muscled little redhead of a former child star is standing on the edge of a skyscraper and everything is not okay.

The producers of the show beg him to get down off of that ledge, before he kills himself-yet something tells him to teeter on that thing until he feels like getting down. Ah, feels just like it did last year, right...when Danny shot something up his ass-and I'll bet it wasn't cortisone-and got a few lap dances.

No, it doesn't...not this year. For the duration of the season Bonaduce has had somebody named Gretchen up his ass to toe the line and not drink those tasty cranberry vodka drinks he so loves dearly. What's more is that the other enjoyable part of the show, you know, the part where Danny plays Danny Bonaduce PhD, is no longer there as Gretchen, the redheaded stepchild of the West, has had Dr. D's license to get a B.S. in B.S. revoked, particularly when arguing with the real PhD of the family, Dr. Barry Corgiat, PhD. That to me was the most enjoyable part of the whole shindig and now, it's no more than a memory you'll have to get on Season 1 of the DVD. Gone is the banter between Bonaduce and Dr. Corgiat and little ditties like these:

Dr. Corgiat: "Well, I think all of us in this room know what I'm talking about, Danny."

Bonaduce: "Oh yeah, doc, then why don't you tell me..."

Dr. Corgiat: "Well perhaps you don't need me anymore then..."

Bonaduce: "Perhaps I don't."

Also gone are the constant bickerings (read: disagreements leading to fisticuffs, or the threat thereof) that Danny had with his producers. It's almost as if Danny has said, "Well, we agree to disagree and so it's better for me to comply," which is terrible advice if you're a reality TV star and doubly bad when your drug-fueled rage has dwindled to the temper tantrums and throwing of the remote control at the TV in the guest house of the home you own-but are currently banished to as a result of your suckiness-and not necessarily on the show.

That's right; Bonaduce has officially become a parody of himself, so proclaimed when the Harvard Lampoon made him their "Man of the Year." It's sad, really, since the show actually was worth watching. Now it's as if the Christian right has come in and regained their foothold on those who claim to be "born-again," and have now snatched up the prodigal son of Evil. Now it's a battle of Good vs. Evil and Bonaduce's trying to break out and become the man he once was, sneaking a loaded cranberry drink while Gretchen's playing a set. So it's hard to tell which way the man will go, but one thing is certain: you can never tell with Danny Bonaduce.