Where Did Jon and Kate Go Wrong?

Jon and Kate Gosselin are getting divorced, as a regular viewer of their show; the announcement came as little surprise to the watchful eye. The signs that their relationship was falling apart were many, the body language John and Kate showed during interviews, the indifference shown the eight children and Kate's personality all drove the ruin of the marriage. So what behaviors made it clear Jon and Kate would break up long before the announcement was made? What can be learned from Jon and Kate to help families?

Kate Gosselin's perfectionist personality has hurt both the eight children and Jon. As an example, when the children were at Disneyland having their ice-cream cones. Kate heartlessly snatched the ice-cream cones out of the hands of the children and fussed about them getting ice-cream drippings on their clothing.

Put yourself in the shoes of those children, you are about to enjoy a delicious ice-cream cone on a smarmy day at Disneyland with your favorite cartoon characters. Just as you lick your ice-cream cone and savor the sweetness and texture of it, your mother starts throwing a fit that you are dripping it on your clothes and snatches the ice-cream out of your hand and starts wiping your face. Is it any mystery why those children whine constantly? The eight are miserable because the adults in their lives are indifferent to their feelings and completely without empathy for them.

I like to watch Jon and Kate with my own mother and we were both shocked by her behavior, my mother saw that and said "she's so awful, it's like watching a train wreck." Most mothers would have let their children enjoy the ice-cream and clean up afterwards or taught their children to use napkins and eat carefully. The bottom line was with a little planning the entire upsetting experience could have been avoided but once the eight children got the ice-cream, Kate shouldn't have snatched it away.

Kate's behavior is often hurtful to both Jon and the children. When you watch Jon and Kate interviewed as a couple you will see the lack of empathy and caring in her body language and comments. Kate is oblivious when Jon shifts uncomfortably in his seat, she does not see his expression turn to disgust when she says he is getting better about helping around the house. If Kate was more observant she would have seen that she was killing all the passion he had for her and his desire to help her with every nasty comment. If she only looked at his face instead of the camera perhaps she would have seen that he was embarrassed. Why did Jon tolerate the situation for so long, it must have been like being trapped in a reoccurring nightmare.

Kate thought nothing of insulting Jon, berating him and even how she sat and looked at him showed clearly that she did not love him. What man would be happy living in a situation where he is unloved, berated and subjected to a wife's constant complaining and irrational expectations? Could any man truly be happy being treated that way before a national audience on television?

Consider the time Kate and Jon went shopping for a new bed for the eight children and Jon, who would have been happy with anything Kate chose and said so over and over again, had to stay in the store for hours trying to manage all those children. Why was it necessary for him and all the kids to go in the first place? Why couldn't Kate have been satisfied with a functional bed, why did she have to keep fussing and complaining over irrelevant of details while her eight children and husband were trapped in a furniture store for endless hours?

Kate's behavior shows an obsession with her own opinion and complete disregard for the comfort, happiness and well being of her husband and children. One of the boys was sick with diarrhea, did their mother care? Perhaps, but it was clear that her highest priority was not her child or Jon when he had to keep changing mushy diapers; it was bantering and bargaining about the features of a bed with a salesman. Unfortunately for Jon and the eight children, Kate's lack of regard for them is so ingrained it's clear that it's a way of life.

Think about the time that Mady was begging her mother for a drink of water just before an interview. Kate asks for a water bottle for herself, takes one sip and sets it aside. Mady continues to ask her mother for a drink of water; Kate has a bottle but doesn't even offer a sip. Instead Kate chose to tell her "be quiet, we can't right now". Is it any wonder why the eight children whine, cry and fight all the time how else can they get their mother's attention?

In Kate's defense it must feel overwhelming to be responsible for so many children. The care and concern that goes into raising one child is an incredible commitment, Kate's responsibilities are much greater. Kate seems to tune them out in order to save herself the mental energy it takes to be into the children, love them and be responsive to their needs.

However, by choosing to tune the kids out she makes their problems worse because they are forced to constantly whine, fight and vie for attention. The worse the children behave the more difficult it is for Jon and Kate to work together as their parents. If anything could have helped, Jon and Kate needed marriage counseling, behavior therapy and a visit from Super Nanny before their marriage started to crumble. With all the help and support from staff and child care helpers, why is it the parents are so disinterested in their children and stressed out? When frustrations like this happen, that is when couples and families should seek out help and counseling, without it, the problems will get worse.