Where My Dream Took Me

Just before I awoke today I had a dream. I heard someone yelling outside. I jumped out of bed and ran to the window. In the field a man shouted at a bull. "Get out of here, you stupid cow!" Just then a horse raced into the field. "Get off my property, you stupid mare," the man yelled, waving his arms. Clearly, the horse was a stallion. Both animals charged at the man. I can only imagine what happened after that because I woke up.

What was that dream all about? Is it drawing my attention to the fact we should be calling things what they are and not what we think they are?

A guy once tried to tell me Rocky Mountain oysters are cow testicles. No, cows are female. Anybody raised on a dairy farm (or any farm for that matter) knows better.

I have never eaten Rocky Mountain oysters nor do I have any desire to. One woman tried to talk me into going to the Rocky Mountain Oyster Festival. She told me at the last one she attended a woman jumped upon a picnic table and danced naked. All this tells me is Rocky Mountain oysters must make people act crazy. Or maybe it's the combination of the oysters and booze. I have no idea. I certainly do not want to find myself dancing nude on any table!

I got way off track on this article. I should have followed AskSan's advice in her article, "Five Tips to Write Right," and should have written an outline first. Yes, I took writing courses and even taught writing classes and I know the importance of an outline. But I hate them. Probably because of my high school days when I had to write an outline for everything. And not just any outline--a detailed outline. Roman numerals, numbers, upper case and lower case letters--just enough to drive me batty. So I just wing it. Yep, I fly by the seat of my pants. Most of the time I've gotten my thoughts together enough to write something that has some sense to it.

Boy. this article is getting weird. I ought to take my temperature and make sure I'm not running a fever. Nope, 98 point whatever. Or is that right? I need to take a jot over to Kristie Leong M.D.'s page and read her article, "What Temperature is Considered a Fever?" She is one smart cookie.

Smart cookie--I wonder where that expression came from. I'll roam over to Amy Brantley's page. She's written a lot about cooking. There ought to be something about cookies there. Well, she has all kinds of articles on cookies, even one titled, "Tips for Successful Cookie Baking," but nothing about "smart cookies." I'm disappointed. Maybe I ought to spoof another one of her articles like I did with, "My Sex Appeal According to Amy Brantley." Thank God, she loved it otherwise I might be in the same position as the guy in my dream.

Holy cow, did I ever get off track! I might be headed into my second childhood. I need to start reading Tonya Brisnehan articles a little more closely. She's written all kinds of things about toys for children. I need to reread, "Best Educational Toys 2010," and maybe I'll get enough smarts to wise up.

I'm too far off track and now I'm getting a little bit pissed about it. I think I'll stomp on over to Crystal Ray's page and read, "Positive Ways to Express Anger." Then I might not pull my hair out.

This article really took a wild twist. Maybe that's a good excuse for not writing an outline. What do you think, AskSan? All I was going to write about was things like calling an alligator an alligator and a crocodile a crocodile. But now all I have to say is, see you later alligator and after while, crocodile.