Where to Live? Boomers Have Many Choices

When I started my research for this article I had no idea the choices that we Boomers have with regard to our living arrangements. In fact, I have identified 13 different types of housing situations for us. They can be roughly divided into two large categories: housing situations for those of us who are healthy and need no help with our activities of daily living and those of us who have a need for some help that ranges from a limited need for assistance up to needing total care.

I intend, in this article, to consider some of the options open to those of us who are completely independent and able to live entirely on our own. Depending on the responses that this article generates, I may do a follow up article outlining the options for those of us who need various levels of assistance.

In the 55 to 66 year age group, who are healthy and independent, approximately 80% are living with their spouses or are living alone. Five percent (5%) are living with family members and those living in that arrangement often contribute greatly to their families by caring for grandchildren while the adult children work and by adding financial assistance to the family as well. In return those living with their family have benefits too, not the least of which is that they have the company of close family and feel useful, loved, and necessary. Ten percent (10 %) are living in various situations that are on the leading edge of new housing and living possibilities. And the final percentage of this age group are living in situations in which they find themselves partly or totally responsible for their adult children and/or grandchildren. This last percentage also includes those who are living in situations where they are bearing the responsibility for their own aged parents.

When I look at the housing options available to us, I am excited about our possibilities. Our generation has charted unknown territory almost from the time we were born and apparently we will continue to do this as we learn to live and cope with aging. Once again, we are writing the rules and leading the way.

Prior to 1946, the year the Boomer generation began to come into this world, older Americans tended, for the most part, to take for granted that at some point in time, they would live with family members, not as healthy and active contributing members of the family, but as persons in need of care. I believe, or would like to believe, that this care was given with love, compassion, and respect, but I can't help but think that being in a dependent role must have been unspeakably difficult for the older person in that situation.

Some of the housing solutions that Boomers are coming up with show our fierce determination to remain independent. In particular we do not want to become dependent on our adult children.

Many of us, and I am included in this group, lost our mates and at that time began to think in earnest about our living arrangement. Often the houses we lived in are the same houses we lived in while raising our children and even if we're lucky enough to have paid off our mortgages, the houses are too big for us to handle alone. This is true even for those of us whose spouses are still living: the houses are too large and too demanding on our energies.

Now I love living alone. This is an extension of my personality because I have always needed some space to call my own. Even when my kids were small, I had to have a nook to call mine. I remember one home we lived in where I found a space under a stair well that measured 4 x 4. I made it a cozy little place that I could crawl into and I would sit and read, quietly think or just meditate for the brief periods of time that I could squeeze out of my busy day.

Many woman (and sometimes men) of our generation have never lived alone! We lived in our parent's home until we married and then lived with our husbands (or wives, as the case may be) and our kids until our circumstances changed.

My decision was to sell my large and mostly unused house and then I bought the house I live in now. I downsized from over 2,500 square feet in my older house to the 1,000 square feet of living space in my current home.

I love the total quiet of my home. I love eating when and what I please, and I love waking and sleeping when I please, decorating as I please, cleaning when I please (or not). The list of doing only what pleases me is endless and many, like me, are happy living by ourselves.

On the other hand many people do not like the type of aloneness that I describe above. I have found three women in their early 60's who are living together in a Golden Girl situation. These ladies have known each other for a long time and began formulating their living arrangement (in a general way) when the television show starring Bea Arthur was the number one show in America. Its re-runs are still seen on TV and when I catch it I find that it is as funny now as it was 20 or more years ago. The ladies share the chores around the house and they share the bills as well. When they want privacy they have their own bedrooms. They love the fact that there is a feeling of safety in this situation and that they always have someone who will go to a movie with them or go shopping with them.

Another group of Boomers living together in a self made group home are five people, consisting of 3 women and 2 men who are really plowing new ground and making the rules up as they go along. There is a great deal of camaraderie in this group, but they all swear that there is absolutely no romantic goings on in the house. They have their own bedrooms and they share the house's common rooms and the bills to keep their arrangement going. The house mates tell me that this is an ideal situation because the roles in the house are rather traditional in that the men take care of the repairs, the cars, the grounds just as they did before their living situations changed (the men all have grown children and have lost their wives), and the women in the house take care of shopping, cleaning and cooking as they have done all their lives. They are all responsible for their own bedrooms and laundry. These Boomers, like those ladies discussed above, feel that this arrangement gives them feelings of belonging, feelings of safety, and they love knowing that there is always someone around to "do something with".

Other arrangements for older and independent persons include living in what are called "mother-daughter" homes. That is a house that has a self contained but smaller living space for the older person. Although called "mother-daughter" homes, it could be an older father living in the small apartment or even an older couple since not all of us have lost our mates. This arrangement has definite advantages so long as all parties concerned are respectful of each others needs and that the doors have locks on them and none of the parties concerned take advantage of each other. In other words, the older person, or couple, is neither a live-in baby sitter nor a marriage counselor for the younger couple. The thing to remember in this situation is that you must be able to "mind your own business" and if you can't, this is not a good living situation for you.

Finally, there are retirement communities that are perfect for older people or couples wanting to live independently in smaller homes or apartments that free them of the burden of the homes they no longer need. The rules for these communities vary widely and before investing in any home or apartment in these communities, a person needs to have all the facts. The costs can vary widely as can the amenities offered. Some communities offer communal restaurants or cafeterias for those who may not want to cook for themselves all the time (or none of the time) and some of them don't. Some of these communities offer house cleaning services for an additional price; some don't. Some of these communities have medical staff on site if needed or to provide limited medical care (for example, making certain that any medications are taken on time and correctly); and some don't. Some communities allow pets; and some don't. And finally some communities allow grand-children to stay over occasionally; and some don't. The important thing is to investigate, consider, learn the rules and then investigate again before deciding on this type of arrangement.

We Boomers are older enough and wise enough to know that nothing is permanent. Things change. Circumstances change. We will continue to age and hopefully we will stay healthy. I always tell people that I want to die in perfect health. That is, to the day God takes me out of this life I want to be independent, and then one day, just pass on. But this may not happen.

And therefore I know that my housing situation and my needs may, in time, change just as the people in the living arrangements discussed above may, in time, find that their situations and needs may change.

At this time, as I discussed earlier I am happily living by myself. However, even as I write this my two best friends (both of whom are living with their husbands) have talked about "The Golden Girl" living arrangement and it may be that in time, I will be open to it...just not now.

And so, how ever I choose or you choose to live right now and in the foreseeable future, we must be cognizant that circumstances may, in time, force us to look at other options and I want you to know that those options are there.

Lastly whatever comes our way, I know that I, and you, will face the future with the same courage and determination with which we have met all the challenges of our lives and we will live our lives as we choose.

Resources:

Elderly Housing Options by Terrence J. Scott (Author), Robert F. Maziarka (Author)
Issues in the Economics of Aging by David A. Wise
Housing an Aging Society: Issues, Alternatives, and Policy by Robert J. Newcomer (Jun 1986)