Where Love Has Gone

This is a true story of a colleague of mine. The names of the dramatis personae have been changed. After I retired from a German multinational, it nominated me to the Indo-German Chamber of Commerce. A few weeks into my new assignment, my wife and I were invited by a colleague to a musical get-together at his home. Many other colleagues, who were also interested in music, were also invited. The whole evening we sang individually or together. One of the very active participants was a very vivacious young girl, Asha. From next day onwards we started greeting each other, whenever we passed by in the office. The Chamber had frequent socials, mostly immediately after office hours. She was always the most visible of the dancers. One by one, she would pull each one to the floor and make them dance with her. Once she tugged me and I said, 'I don't know the steps of Macarena'. 'Doesn't matter, I will teach you', she said and taught me the steps on the spot. She was also an active social net worker. Many of us got her hand-painted greetings for our birthdays. She also e-mailed to most of us, greetings on New Year and other major festivals. I did not know anything more about her. When the annual report of the Chamber came out, it also contained photographs of all the employees, along with their names and job descriptions. Only then I came to know, that her full name was Asha Mueller. Some of my colleagues were Germans married to an Indian and the other way around. So I took it, that Asha had married a German.

A few months later, the top bosses of the German Chamber were on visit to India and a big formal reception was thrown at the exclusive Taj Hotel. Asha walked in holding hands of a person, who looked very much of an Indian. While Asha was very much at ease and glided among the crowd, her companion was obviously feeling very awkward. I could not make out who the guy was, with whom she showed unusual intimacy and who in turn was feeling totally out of sorts. Next morning, layer by layer, my secretary filled in all the details. Asha was a highly educated girl, who studied spent her formative years in Germany. She was the daughter of the top honcho of a major German company. She fell in love with her father's chauffer and even decided to marry him. How this chauffer, an Indian Christian, acquired a very typical German surname was not clear. He was a full blooded Indian like all of us. The father was furious. He disowned his daughter and had the chauffer removed to another duty. The mother almost went into hiding, not knowing how to face the censuring world. They lived in a compound in which some of the senior employees of the company were housed. At the rear was row of humble homes for the chauffeurs, servants and maids. The adamant girl prevailed. She married in the court, without the presence of any one from her family and moved in with the chauffeur's family in the same compound.

Mothers being mothers, she started secretly sending home-cooked food and other goodies for her daughter and her husband. Then she started visiting them, when the father was not at home. Asha with her wide contacts got her husband a desk job in a courier company. Being impressive at her work, the Chamber posted her to a Gulf country as its resident representative. She periodically kept us posted with photos of their new home and the arrival of the first child, etc. The last mail I received showed a happy couple with two beaming children. Then for about two years I did not hear from her. On enquiring from a common friend, I got to know that they had divorced. The husband had come back to India. He could not adjust to the sophisticated behavior, which her job and background demanded. Asha continued to do well professionally and her mother had come over to look after the two children. I was totally baffled. This girl had seen the world and had with open eyes, decided to cross all social barriers and glass ceiling, to marry the chauffer. There was no comparison between the educational and social background of the two, apart from the big gulf in lifestyles of the two families.

What made her take that unusual decision? Was it love or infatuation? Is there any name for this sort of decision making ........ well what was it? She was not that ignorant, that she did not know what this sort of marriage would mean. This also reminded me of a similar case of Gamble Benedict, 24, a Remington typewriter heiress, and her runaway marriage in 1960 to a chauffeur. Their marriage was annulled after 5 years.

We are very used to celebrities casting off their spouses and making public pronouncements about what sort of next spouse they have in mind. Normally this is expected of car lovers, who like to switch their cars ever so often and publicly speculate, 'It had better be a Ferrari, next time!' In all such cases the backgrounds and lifestyles are mostly on par and not subject to any social taboos. Their fans continue to lionize them. Every baby on the way fetches million of dollars as exclusive photo rights, from a fawning media and fans. But ordinary folk like Asha taking such decisions are beyond my ken. By all accounts she was a 'serious' girl. And by no means a nymphomaniac!

Perhaps, the Hippies and the Flower children were more sensible. In a movie of the 60s, two flower children decide to get married, in very idyllic surroundings. They choose a forest full of flowering trees. All the guests and the couple come dressed only in flowers, leaves and wreaths. The 'priest' similarly dressed, pronounces them man and wife. 'You may now kiss the bride' being lovingly executed, the bride turns to the groom and says, 'My dear, we had such a lovely wedding. Now promise me, that we will have an equally beautiful divorce.', followed by much clapping from their 'well wishers'!

The whole world of love, infatuation, marriage, relationships and so on is very vexed. All that we can say is, 'That life is a big mystery wrapped in an enigma!