Which Came First - Low Self-Esteem or the Divorce?

Going through a divorce is many times a gut wrenching experience even when you are the person in the union that wants it. If you are the person who is being divorced, you stand a great chance of having a period of time when you doubt everything about yourself. You doubt if you are lovable, attractive, competent, emotionally stable, and on and on and on. A divorce generally knocks the slats out from under you for awhile. The quality of your self-esteem determines how long those slats are out.

If you had good self-esteem prior to the divorce, it will return. If your self-esteem was on a shaky foundation prior to your divorce, it will probably need some healthy nurturing to return to where it was before the divorce and not sink lower. If you seek the right kind of support during your period of divorce recovery, your self-esteem could become even stronger and healthier than it was before. The key is reaching out and seeking support.

Reaching out is sometimes very difficult for someone with low self-esteem. Admitting to feelings of insecurity and low self-worth is more difficult for someone who has to keep up a charade of feeling OK because then others might suspect their insides are about to blowup.

Self-esteem has two faces - an aggressive one and one that does not like itself. Someone who exhibits the aggressive face explodes in anger with little to no provocation. They instigate fights, are quick to blame others, and find fault with everything. Their negativity is wearisome, as is their need to put others down, and to feel pleasure when something bad happens to someone else.

Someone who does not like themselves is exhibiting the second face of low self-esteem. This is the easier face to recognize as low -self-esteem. People whose low self-esteem is manifested by this face have difficulty asserting themselves so they do not take initiative or try anything new. They often are plain overwhelmed with life and feel like they need and want others help. They can become over-dependent quickly. They are the first one to make a negative quip about their weight, their looks, and their lack of smarts.

Have you felt like you've been reading about yourself? If so, you probably are a prime candidate for developing Post Marital Stress Disorder (PMS) following your divorce. You may have it right now if your divorce has been a year or more ago and you still have not gotten on with life. PMS is a term coined by this author in her book - When Divorce Hurts Too Long -Ouch -Wallowing in Post Marital Stress Disorder (PMS). PMS is a combination of three different variables: low self-esteem, an inner-child that is in control of your adult life, and an immature understanding of adult love.

The book contains a PMS Rating Scale that allows readers to discern if they are suffering from PMS. It also contains the STOP PMS Program which is an integrated set of exercises to help someone with PMS grow to where they can have a satisfying life and healthy relationships. If you are interested in learning more, you can click on one of the links in this article.