Which is a More Effective Punishment Spanking or Time Out?

We've all heard the old saying, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." But is that true? Isn't punishment of any kind enough to deter children from repeating offenses?

And the answer is: yes. Most children will react to any form of punishment. Whether it is time out, a loss of television or a favorite toy, or a spanking, most children do learn not to repeat the offense. So which is the best means of punishment?

That is entirely a personal choice. However, most parents today do not believe in spanking. They believe it is wrong to spank or strike a child for anything. And the schools have just about outlawed it. But that's not to say that spanking isn't a very effective means of punishment. It is. I, myself, can remember getting slapped on the bottom one day at school. Why? For chewing gum. That was a big no-no. Did the spanking hurt? No, not really. But I was so embarrassed that I never chewed gum again at school.

With my own children, I do remember spanking my daughter once. When I say it hurt me more than it did her, I am being very honest. I agonized over it long after she had forgotten about it. I can also say I spanked my son, who came along nine years after his sister. I remember one day when he threw a tantrum over a toy he wanted in the middle of a department store. And yes, I spanked him right there in the store. And no, I did not buy the toy. And I spanked him again when we got to the car because he was still crying and throwing a fit. Did that make me a bad mother? I don't know. I do know he never threw another tantrum like that again. From then on, if I said no to something, that was the end of it.

Of course today I might be arrested for spanking him in public. And as he got a little older, other means of punishment seemed more effective. For example, one day we stopped at a small grocery store close to our home. After we left the store and were almost home, I asked him for a piece of the candy he had bought at the store. As he opened the bag to pull out a piece of the candy, I saw a green and yellow box. It was a small box of crayons. He had taken them from the store. I stopped the car and asked him where they came from. He admitted to taking them.

I turned the car around and went back to the store. He didn't want to take the crayons back in, but I told him he had to and to apologise for taking them. He took the crayons in and laid them on the counter. "Here, Bill. I stole these. I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

The store owner looked at him and nodded gravely. "I believe you, son. I forgive you."

As far as I know, my son never took anything else. Which would have been more effective here? A spanking or having to own up to what he had done? I believe I did the right thing by making him face the person he took from.

So, as you can see, the right type of punishment is what makes the biggest impression. Sometimes the best way to handle punishment is for the parent to step back, calm down, and think it through. Punishment doesn't have to be delivered the instant you discover the misdeed. Never spank a child while you are angry. Send the child to his or her room until you have time to decide on the appropriate punishment. This also helps to keep you from rushing into groundings or punishments that you can't or won't keep. But when you do decide on a punishment, you should follow through. For instance, if you say no tv for a week, then stick to it. If you don't, your child will learn fast that your bark is worse than your bite and will challenge you more than you like.

And last, the punishment should fit the crime, so to speak. You wouldn't spank a child for not doing his homework. A better punishment would be to take away his television for a day or two. Remember, they are children. So choose carefully what is worth fighting about and what is not. And talk to them. Explain why you are punishing them. And give them a chance to tell their side of the story.