Whippy Leaks: Mass Extinction of Birds, Fish & Various Other Nefarious Critters

Careful when you're out walking. Somewhere above you lurks numerous things that could fall from the sky at any minute. As well fish are washing up dead on river shorelines throughout the nation. Armageddon? The Second Coming? Kim Jong-Il?

Or is it just angry, confused and otherwise completely normal acting progressives? I've often wondered how they function in day-to-day living as I restrict myself to almost zero contact with such beings. They've always scared me a bit - I'm always a little bit wary of anything that routinely goes around its ass to get to its elbow.

I'm always afraid I will be in too close proximity to one when it goes off, and like a loaded firearm, someone could be injured by an engaged mouth with a brain in neutral. You've seen those videos of the driverless car in reverse turning aimless and endless circles until the brave cop times it right and jumps into the car to shut it off, right? Yeah, like that! Granted, a progressive's mouth is often large enough for someone to jump in and shut it off, but who has the guts to try that?

Often overlooked in the last election are the massive number of state houses that switched from Democrat to Republican. Such a shift will see Republican's drawing the new Congressional districts due to the census, and that means gerrymandering in the extreme, but Democrat's do it when they are in charge so instead of lamenting the practice, I think I'll just enjoy the results...less progressive lawmakers - hopefully!

Added to that, it seems all progressives are not terminally myopic as I was previously convinced they were. Have reader's heard of all the former politicians who were Democrats who have switched to Republican? Yep, it's a trend and one I could get used to rather easily too. Seems myopia is not always fatal. These Democrats cum Republicans can read the writing on the wall, or more accurately, the insanity of progressives all around them and to their credit they are jumping ship like..., well I'll forego the "rat's leaving the sinking ship" analogy just this once.

Apparently among the other mass extinctions late last year and early in this new one can be found what I hope is a trend toward progressive extinction, and I mean that in the philosophical sense and NOT the literal one, okay whining lefties? It was NOT a call to violence, uuummmmkay? It was hyperbolic literary expression. Quit yer belly achin'! Anyway, when will the last lonely progressive be on view in a cage somewhere as the Green movement laments another extinction at the hands of we uncaring Republicans? Sooner rather than later one can only hope.

But back to my point...I want my readers to be careful out there. I mean it's bad enough if a 3 ounce starling falls from the sky and conks ya on the noggin, but by golly a 150lbs of screaming, whining progressive falling from the sky and crapping on your head will really ruin your day! And what if they landed on ya? Course if they're as spineless as I've heard it'll likely sting more than really break bones, but still, who wants a spineless thingy falling on them? Jellyfish are icky looking suckers!

So be careful out there folks. Dead fish can stink something awful but they're easier to avoid. Them there falling starlings and progressives, not so much. I will however confess to a rather sick obsession with enjoying, from sufficient overhead cover of course, the sight and sound of the splat as 150lbs of whining progressive falls from the Heavens and lands on their asses. SPLAT! Ya know, like a watermelon dropped from the third floor? Damn, life is good!