White Man's Guide to Courting a Black Woman

We do not live in an ideal world. There are differences and there always would be. There are differences in color, class, ethnicity and a hundred other things. But should these differences stop you from doing what you really like? Is it wrong to do something that the society thinks you shouldn't be doing? I don't think so. If there is something you like, go ahead and do it.

Love is a strange emotion. It springs up at the unlikeliest of places and for the unlikeliest of people. Love knows no reasons and does not follow rules. But most often it's not the emotion that takes a beating but the person. The two people really in love often convince themselves that they are not meant to be together and simply give up. They do not try to do what both of them really like.

If you look around, you will see people of 10 different ethnicities around you. But what is the basic difference you see? That would be the sex, the males and the females. There should be at least a thousand emotions involved. And the emotion that rules the most amongst them? Love! The eye contact, the flirtations, the actual love making. Love evolves.

So you are a white guy. And you are in love, in love with a black woman. And how different is it from being in love with a white woman? I do not think women are at all different. Every woman has the same emotions in the bottom of her hear. Every woman likes to be loves, to be pampered, to be cuddled. So how differently should you handle this situation you are in? Go about it in the routine manner. Do all the things you would have done with a white woman around. Be natural. Do not get things into you head regarding society or class. There are a lot of white woman black man couples around but have you ever wondered why the opposite is not true? Why can't or rather white men date black women? Is it because men are too proud to date black women? I don't think so. I think it's just about changing the traditional way of thinking. Another set of white males think the black women do not appeal to their tastes, but I know a lot of black women who are just breathtaking. But then again, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and no one can judge what exactly is beautiful and what is not.

But we all have to agree that there are differences. The one thing that really ruins a nice love affair is culture. Her culture might be way different than the one that you are in. She might have had a different sort of upbringing than yours. Admit that there are and always will be differences between ethnicities. It's up to you to overcome them. Most black women are not as social as their white counterparts. You won't see many black women out in the pubs and singles bars. They always stick to their group of friends and almost always hang out with them. Black men are considerably more social. But you have managed to find a woman you really like and she's black. How do you go about courting her? Here are a few tips.

1. Get that phone number:

Don't see anything new here? Well there never is. Except it won't be as easy as getting a number from a white woman. The black woman will be suspicious as to why you are trying so hard to get her number instead of concentrating on getting close to someone who has your color. Work your way slowly. Start up on casual talk. Maybe impress her with your sense of humor. Put her at ease. Let her know you are genuinely interested and are not there to pull a joke on her. And when you can see that she is taken in, jump at the first opportunity of getting the number.

2. Ask her out:

Do not hesitate to call. If you have liked her, ask her out. The society is not very encouraging about inter racial relationships but then you shouldn't care much about society either. Care more about impressing the woman you are out with. Go to a restaurant where propel are not from one particular ethnicity. Go to some crowded place where people are too busy to notice you. Try to avoid very classy places. Go to some average place with excellent food. Food manages to get all the attention and not a couple with very diverse ethnicities. Those kinds of places where people won't stare and make both of you feel embarrassed. Once she is comfortable its half the war won.

3. Make her feel secure:

This is the most important part of the whole process. You fail here and she is will never see you again. Make her warm up to you and you are on the right path. It won't be very easy securing her trust. She has to be assured that you are not taking her for a ride but are really interested in her. Tell her how you feel about her. Talk to her to make her comfortable. Avoid uneasy topics. Concentrate on common interests or something other than the fact that you do not share the same color and maybe not the same culture. Shower lots of praise. Let her open up. Black women will feel very insecure around white men. Call it years of social discrimination or whatever. It is up to you to gain her trust before you proceed to the next step.

4. Show her that you are serious:

This is a slow process and takes time. Let her know you are serious about this relationship. Be in touch. Don't let her get you out of her mind. Try to date as much as possible. See each other at every opportunity you get. Gaining trust is very important here. She will have many doubts in her mind as to what your intentions are. It's up to you to soothe her and put her at ease. A relationship involving a black woman and a white man is rare tough not unseen and hence she will try to wind herself in her cocoon if you stop trying. Maybe you were just playing around. Maybe you just wanted a change from the regular women you were dating. There would be a thousand doubts in her mind. Once you have gained her trust, the rest of the journey will be easy. This will be the toughest phase in your efforts to get your relationship going. So try your best to get through with flying colors.

5. Fit in to her life:

Once you have a relationship going, comes the other part of being together. You are still in the courtship phase but you are also steady. Fitting will be tough. Both of you are from different cultures in most cases and a very varied history. Do not force anything upon her. Most black women are very loyal to their group of friends and would not allow anyone disrupt their friendship. Let her take her time to break away from these friendships and spend more time with you. Trust me it is a time consuming process but then it will be worth it. If you want to carve a place in her life you need to adapt. There will be friends and families. In most of the cases, they will not be supportive of the relationship but things can be worked up right?

If you start interfering with her life prematurely she is bound to run further away from you. Women have their basic instincts better honed than men. And they use these instincts more often than men. So do not get carried away in your effort to win her over. Have patience and let time take its own course. There are chances that if you start putting yourself all over her she will pull out fast. Time is of essence. Go in for a relationship if you have a lot of it and are not too anxious. The courtship can take real long here.

The world is changing fast and the barriers placed on class, color and ethnicity are fast vanishing. But people still stick to conservative values and ideologies simply because they don't like change. Love is meant to happen and there is no stopping it when it does. Its time people woke up to the fact that life is too short to waste away. If you are in like someone you better act to get her to like you. It's time the entire world started living in the present and not two centuries ago.