Who Ever Kills Me First Wins!

Hi muffins. I have this excellent opportunity for the aspiring murderer to either build his or her hitman resume or just to get some valuable practice in the the killing game. Or, if you're just a beginner wondering what its ike to end one's life. This is for you :)

You see muffins, lately I have been bored, sad, and lonely and figured that the funnest suicide is one that you never expect. I could be wrong, of course. There may be other fun ways to end yourself, such as:

Lighting yourself on fire.

Hunting with "Big" Dick Chaney.

Overdosing on "love."

Playing "jumpy time"

Toasty time in the tub.

Angering Brock "Sweetcheeks" Lesner.

Forgetting to massage your parents.

Racing with Nick Hogan.

Angering Gordon "The Love Muffin" Ramsey.

And of course... Joining the military.

But you see, all that has been done before. And for all I know my silly little game has probably been done before too. But I'm willing to take that chance. Because times are tough nowadays, and I want to [kind of] control my own fate. Now you're all probably wondering "Hey Mr. Chris, what the Hell do I win for God's sake Jesus Christ almighty Satan?" Well to answer your silly question, you win what is in my right front pocket. (Hint: Yummy)

Now its time to begin. As for my location, well thats the fun part. YOU get to guess! GOOD LUCK!