Who is Your Harry Potter Crush?

If you're a girl of any age, and you are a Harry Potter fan, chances are, you're nurturing a crush. Admit it. Depending on your age, it's probably one of these three eligible bachelors or the not-so-eligible (but probably very willing) married guy.

Preteens. According to an article found somewhere online and subsequently lost, the younger set are ga-ga for Draco and his flaxen locks. They see him as mischievous, someone who upsets the plans of the popular kids. He's a good-looking kid, captain-of-the-football-team material. And he has money, which always helps.

Teens and college girls. This group has a deep and abiding yearning to be teacher's pet. The girls in this category are burning up their keyboards filling the 'net with Snape-porn. It's frightening. Of course, there are some older girls out there helping, girls who are big Alan Rickman fans from way back. They love Snape's snarkiness. He is quick with the comebacks and has that dark, penetrating gaze. Say the word "detention" and these girls will fall into full-fledged battle of "Lord of the Rings" proportions to win the honor of staying after school under the potions master's tutelage. Their punishment will most likely be to write, "I will not drool in class" several hundred times.

The rest of the older girls. The same online article that has since fluttered into the abyss with its information about how little girls love Draco says that Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling's own best friend is madly in love with a character I like to call "Daddy" Malfoy. Lucius is...well, he's rich, for one thing. Even if you're not a jewelry-ho, rich equals powerful and powerful is pretty hot. Plus he has great hair.

According to this same article, by the way, Rowling laments the fact that her fans are lusting after the wrong guys in the book. She wants them to give the nice guys a chance. The trouble with that is, the bad guys are just so hot. Daniel Radcliffe (the actor who plays Harry Potter) became a sex symbol only after he took on his role in "Equus," because damaged is almost as sexy as evil.

Real women. Okay, so that's very tongue-in-cheek. Most of the Lucius Malfoy fangirls who love power and dangerous, bad-boy appeal probably jumped ship the moment Lord Voldemort's naked form appeared in Goblet of Fire. (Yes, he was briefly briefless.) For one thing, he's bald, and bald is hot right now. And if you're like this writer, you probably considered why he's bald...serpent blood in the rejuvenation juice. And that thought most likely led you to conclusions that you'd never discuss in public but which, nevertheless, cause you to stay up late at night surfing for Voldieporn. And he's portrayed by Ralph Fiennes. God help us all.