Who Stole the Halloween Pumpkin Patch!

I am not a Halloween fan, but I do like the harvest-y, fall, autumn-y, country feeling that comes with this time of year. The typical pumpkin patch is here only because of Halloween , but I always enjoyed visiting the pumpkin patch for the above mentioned ambiance and the final notice of "Autumn is here". Last night I went to the local pumpkin patch with my daughter and 7 year old granddaughter, looking forward to an enjoyable family outing.

Used to be that there was a pumpkin patch on every third corner and a few parking lots in between. They were "constructed" out of bales of hay, tons of pumpkins, and yes, with the Halloween theme of spooks, goblins and scary noises. The pumpkins and gourds were so much fun to look at and choose from. A fun, family function and the kids just loved it - their favorite was walking (or I should say running!) the hay bale mazes and seeing what was behind the corners and the finale of each one choosing their favorite pumpkin. Fun, affordable and festive.

Well as usual, all good things come to an end. These days the pumpkin patches are few and far between and what is there is so commercialized and expensive that they just aren't any fun anymore.

We went to this local pumpkin patch last night. This pumpkin patch is the only one in the area. It is on the corner of one of the busiest, most major intersections in town - which means massive traffic and lots of noise! But, oh well, we'll forget about that once in the patch! It was huge with lots and lots of pumpkins....I was full of anticipation for the fun with my girls.

I wish I could say something to it's glory, but unfortunately it turned out to be overly commercialized, over priced and ambiance of any kind never entered its surroundings! we didn't have an ounce of fun. The only good thing I can say about this pumpkin patch was that at least there was no admission fee and I feel sorry for alot of kids and parents that will miss out on a wonderful family memories.

As we walked in to the patch, we were immediately and massively slapped smack-dab in the face with extremely loud, deafening, screaming, loud, yelling, blaring, non-stop loud music from a local radio station. And not just the screaming from the loud music - we also were subjected without release, to the nagging commercials! I am sorry, but being at the pumpkin patch with the kids for a fun, festive outing is just not the place to have to listen to ads about medications, health and hygeine problems, debt and bankruptcy and other "adult" themed commercials. Having to listen to the screaming ads by the local stores and their "percent off" sales, ads for buying/selling this and that and hearing about how to treat restless leg syndrome is just not something I want to listen to while at the pumpkin patch with my kids. The music was 60's and 70's era, which I grew up in and like, but at mega decibals pounding in my ears, enjoyment never made it in the gate.

The music and constant chatter was so loud you couldn't even hear the person next to you talking so the family outing turned into a personally silent one - if you can't hear the other speak to you, you know they don't hear you speak to them. So everyone just walked around in their own silence. There goes the fun and enjoyment of hearing the squeals of excitment from my grand daughter when she saw a huge pumpkin or one of a different color or shape and the "WOW! Look how HUUGGGHHHH this pumpkin is!" and I missed that fantastic smile and twinkle in her eyes!

Trying to make the best of it, we walked around in this huge area, in our own silence, hands over our ears, in search of the perfect jack-o-lantern, carving pumpkin - a round, orange, clean, no spots pumpkin with a nice stem for the handle... a round, orange pumpkin with a nice stem....a round, orange pumpkin with a stem....a round, orange, pumpkin...an orange one? Although I enjoyed seeing the gourds, and the amazing shapes that the pumpkins had grown in, the reason for a pumpkin patch was sadly lost. Tall, thin, short, fat, narrow in the middle fat on the ends, various colors on the same pumpkin, pumpkins literally of all variety of shapes, sizes, colors and styles - except a good one for carving. They were fun to look at but since the music was so loud, I missed hearing my grand daughter proclaim in excitement - "wow, Nanny! Look at that pumpkin! It is tall instead of round!" and "Oh my gosh - look at that one! It is red, orange, black, green and brown!" and I missed the ones she was trying to tell me "These are the funniest pumpkins!!". And of course, I missed the "choosing" conversation. You know, which one should we choose and why? But the hardest part was finding a round, orange pumpkin with a stem.

Throw in of course, that there are no prices - anywhere. There was one section of small pumpkins that said "$4,$2,$1: you had to use your best judgement as to which price went to which pumpkin and then pay for the size the owner's determined it was. The facility also had several rides and ballon slide and stuff... I never pay any attention to them as I haven't a clue as to their safety followed by the fact that they are so expensive, pay for a ride for 4 kids and you almost have a day's fare to Disneyland!

Well, we finally found the pumpkin we wanted and walked back to where the sales counter was and got to where we think the line started. This big huge, burly guy grabs the big pumpkin and compares it to what turned out to be the price table - for them, not the customers. He yelled out to the lady at the register, in short-order cook terms (like they used to say in diners sometimes, "give me a covered dog and make it cry!" - which means a chili dog with oninon) and said it at the speed of an auctioner - something about the description of the pumpkin, and mentioned the price as $10 and how many or something; made no sense to us! But good grief! I could have got it for about $8 at the grocery and not been so beat up from the horendous music and had more fun! We had chosen 2 small ones that we were sure were the $2 size and a $2 carving knife. This huge guy cries out to the register, something about 2 and 4 and another one and some kind of brand of knife. This guy is on one side, we in the middle and the cashier on the other side and that loud, blarring music all encompassing. The register lady called out twice, "Say again?" and "What was that?" The music was so obnoxiously loud we didn't even hear the total and had to ask twice. My daughter paid and I'm standing there thinking "Hum..that sounds rather expensive for a couple pumpkins" and started adding in my head as we walked away. I also noticed that once they had her money, they attentive to my daughter, handing her coupons for the christmas trees they will be having and a coupon for this and another one for that. Does "kick-back" ring a bell? Yeah, it did to me. Anyway, I then asked my daughter - "did they charge you $2 or $4 for those little ones?" She looks at her recipt and sure enough, not only did they charge $4 each for the $2 pumpkins, but they charged $6.99 for the $1.99 knife! She went back to get her money back, they argued with her about it until she presented the pumpkins again then walked the burly guy over to where the knives were to point out the price on the box. Was she apologized to? No, just picked up the refund they dropped on the counter to her and then directed their attention to the next customer.

I decided not to dwell on how horrible the experience was and try to salvage a memory and once at the car, talked with my grand daughter about the pumpkins we had chosen and what plans she had for hers and told her a story about her mommy's first pumpkin and that she called it pumpkin "pouch" instead of pumpkin "patch."

Sorry Great Pumpkin...you're going to have to by-pass this town this year - the pumpkin patches are not suitable for you here! Try again next year!