Who Wants to Be a Czar?

I see, and hear, the Conservative faction of American politics whining about the fact that we now have an "Energy Czar," a "Bailout Czar," an "Automotive Czar," and even a "Czar of Czars" just to ride shotgun on the existing herd of Czars and to keep a sharp out for anything that might need its own Czar but where such need has gone unrecognized by the incumbent administration. As one wag said, "Obama's Administration has more Czars than the Romanovs had in 300 years."

I thought they might be acting a bit rash, tossing "Czars" around as if the Romanov Dynasty is about to be resurrected on the North Bank of the Potomac, so I made a run through my old history notes. This is what I discovered about others that have held the title:

Alexander I (1801 - 1825)

Alexander I had the misfortune of being on the throne when Napoleon Bonaparte went on an extending camping trip inside Russian territory in 1812. Even though he was no where close to the fighting, and certainly had no control over the weather, he claimed personal responsibility for the victory. This did not sit well with the handful of competent military officers in Russia, who spent the next decade plotting to dispose of the old boy. He survived such attempts and died of natural causes.

(Factoid): Alexander I was the godfather of the future Queen Victoria (Alexandrina Victoria) of Great Britain, whose reign of 63 years and 7 months almost exceeded that of all Alexander's descendents combined.

Nicholas I (1825 - 1855)

First Nicholas wasn't the next in line to be Czar, but he managed to usurp the job from his older brother (who conveniently died shortly thereafter). After the Russian people (and a good part of the Russian army) objected by staging the Uprising of December, 1825, Nicholas used the part of Russian Army that had remained loyal to ship everyone else off to Siberia or to the gallows in St. Petersburg. This policy backfired on him when, following the Russian defeat of the Crimean war, he realized that he had killed off all the smart army officers

Alexander II (1855 - 1881)

Alexander II tried his hand at reforming Russian society by freeing the serfs in 1861. This angered the aristocracy, who thought he was being too liberal, and the serfs, who complained that he hadn't freed them quick enough. Unlike his namesake, Alexander II died of unnatural causes after having survived at least five assassination attempts before succumbing to the second dynamite bomb to explode under the royal carriage on the same day in 1881.

Alexander III (1881 - 1894)

This Alexander was noted for his (well-justified) paranoia regarding palace coups and assassination attempts as well as his persecutions of the Jews of Russia and his support for their persecution anywhere else. He died of natural causes (kidney failure) in 1894, setting the stage for his oldest son to become the biggest screw-up in the long history of Czardom.

Nicholas II (1894 - 1917)

What can I say about this clown, other than to remind you of the fact that Nicholas Two also holds the distinction of being the only Czar of Russia (or Czar of anything else) who managed to get his entire family killed with him.

Come to think of it, maybe the Conservatives have a point after all.