Why ABC's Bachelor Brad Womack Didn't Propose
I calmed myself and expected to learn more on the "After the Final Rose" viewing the next night. But even this show left me confused and annoyed. Listening to Brad Womack try and explain his position was like trying to have a conversation with someone in a foreign language.
I told my boyfriend during the show that if I were DeAnna, I'd have stood up, grabbed both his arms and shook him until his brains fell out his ear. How frustrating!
However, after thinking about it further, it occurred to me that Brad's issue is he doesn't know what real love is. At one point in "After the Final Rose", he mentioned not having "butterflies" and not being able to apologize for "not falling in love" with one of the two women.
What Brad doesn't realize is that those "butterflies" are not what it takes to maintain a successful, loving relationship. The butterflies are what get you there in the first place, but once past that "honeymoon" phase, it takes respect, caring and hard work to maintain it.
You're not going to have butterflies when your wife is in labor, yelling in agony and sweating so her hair sticks to the sides of her head. She's not going to have butterflies when he is stuck in the bathroom all day with the flu. You may not have butterflies when your husband leaves his wet towels laying all over the bathroom and doesn't put the seat down. You may not have butterflies when your wife asks you to go to Home Depot instead of watch football or accompany her to weddings and other family events.
Real love is not a noun. It's a verb. It's something that you do, day in and day out. You make a conscious decision that you enjoy someone's company, respect and value them enough that you commit yourself to them, for better or worse. Even when you're angry. Even when they're not looking their best. Even when you don't feel like it for a day.
This is why Brad couldn't commit to either of the final ladies: he doesn't understand how to love someone.
In my opinion, I didn't need to hear him say "I love you" to either woman. His actions -- unless he totally fooled me -- displayed how much he cared for, respected and valued both women. I had my opinion on who was best suited for him, but that's not for me to decide.
But if Brad is waiting around for the woman who will give him butterflies every single day of his life, he's going to be a Bachelor forever.
Published by Kelly Russ
Kelly is a public relations/communication professional with eight years experience in the corporate, academic and nonprofit worlds. Favorite weekend activities are watching college football and visiting k... View profile
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7 Comments
Post a CommentI thought the whole show was a travesty this year. He misled both of those girls every step along the way. No one would have blamed him had he not misled them the way he did. Hopefully, this year's mess will finally kill a show that should have died years ago.
Though I cannot understand why ANYONE would believe that LOVE could be found on a TV show... this program exists. Honestly I think everyone is suffering from a Cinderella syndrome and needs to get over it. It ended the way relationships come to an end in the real world...People don't always make sense, relationships do not always make sense and relationship endings don't always make sense. Its called LIFE... and the day life makes sense... is usually when you are about to leave it. Let it go people... for once there was a REAL ENDING....Move on!!
I do not think it is bad thing that Brad did not choose either - what's the point in lying on national television? More importantly, I cannot imagine why ABC has continued with 11 seasons of The Bachelor (aka 'Unlucky in Love') and yet only had 1 season of The Bachelorette - which had proven to be a far more successful show. Maybe women are just better at choosing men, rather than a man choosing a woman (In real life, the woman chooses the man - not the other way around...So why should it be different on TV?). This idea/ show is becomming tiresome and very misogynistic and demeaning for women.
The artificial environment of this show reminds me of some of the same issues I used to used to run into when I was a cat breeder. It is very rare that you can find all the attributes - health, temperament, intelligence, structure, beauty - that you're looking for in a stud and queen. Instead of letting nature decide, you tend to arbitrarily select for beauty because it makes for easier sales. Inevitably over time you end up with disgruntled customers and a less robust, intelligent breed. Just saying.
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Perhaps Brad had emotional and relationship issues. Who knows. Whatever the case, The Bachelor is not set up to induce long-term romantic feelings in men, what with 25 women all competing, acting hysterical, and making fools out of themselves to gain the attentions of 1 man, versus the more typical situation of the man chasing the woman. The fact that there has only been 1 resultant marriage - and from The Bachorl*ette* show no less - says a lot. In addition, with ABC more and more emphasizing superficiality and dramatics over substance, the women are increasingly less appealing and interesting from a long-term committal point of view.
Like you said, you need butterflies to start a committed relationship. Apparently, Brad never had them to begin with. The romantic setting and beautiful woman that induced pseudo-romantic feelings, plus the requirements of the show that he string 2 women along until the last episode, seems to be the reasons that he got as far with the final 2 as he did.
I suspect at the end of the show he had tentatively decided on Deanna, then something she said jolted back to what the reality of living with her would be like - perhaps the "toilet seat" comment sealed the deal for him, where she let it be known she wouldn't settle for anything less than household chores being completed to her precise specifications. Frankly she seemed a little scary to me, what with the blinking eyes, angry looks, catfights and all.
Perhaps Brad had emotional and relationship issues. Who knows. Whatever the case, The Bachelor is not set up to induce long-term romantic feelings in men, what with 25 women all comp
Hey, I wasn't looking for a story about the Bachelor, but I realized I had no idea what happened on the final night, so I read your article. I'm so glad I did, b/c I'm thrilled someone else out there besides me realizes THIS IS CRAZY!!!!! You are so right about that guy having no clue what love is. My husband assures me all the time, whether I'm a quadrapalegic from a car accident, or hairless from chemo, he LOVES me, and it has nothing to do with "feeling". No wonder 2 out of 3 marriages now end in divorce.