Why Your Adult Children May Still Be Living at Home

Do you have an adult child still living at home with you and you can not figure out why? Your adult child does not pay rent, or help you keep house but voluntarily eats up all of your food, hangs in the living room, plays loud music all hours of the day and invites friends over. As an older individual you may desire a more peaceful and quiet lifestyle but you can not find it within yourself to tell your child to move out. You dislike confrontation and still feel a moral obligation as a parent to nurture your child so; you continue to live in this way while biting your tongue.

Unfortunately for you, unless you find the courage to speak up; your adult child may never leave the home. You see, your child finds some form of comfort at home and so chooses to stay. Your actions may be heavily influencing your child's comfort level and failure to leave the nest. If you want to obtain that peaceful home that you so desire, you must look into your own actions and make some form of change. Below are some situations that may be influencing your child to stay home.

You never say no to your child. You give your child money, shelter, and food without limitations. Without limitations your child will live by his rules, not yours. If you start to say no to your child you will remove that barrier of dependency and that sheet of comfort and home will not feel so inviting.

You buy your child food. You make sure the refrigerator is full of goodies or you share whatever bit of food you have in your fridge. If you place limits on how much food your adult child can eat he will soon realize that the kitchen is not always open for business. You could tell your child that if he does not buy food then he can't eat it or you could disallow your child food until he helps you help pay some bills.

You let your child have company over the house. You let your child have whomever he wants over your house all hours of the day. If this is the case then you are letting your home become a playing field. You must either prohibit company or give your adult child a cut off time for company.

You let your child engage in illegal activities in your home. Illegal activities fall on the lines of; drugs, and underage drinking, (and if you live in an apartment complex) playing loud music past a certain hour. Many parents enable their children because they feel that their children are safer at home engaging in these activities than they are out on the street. If you want your home peaceful and you want your child to become more independent, then you must not allow these types of activities to happen in your home.

You clean up your child's mess. You do all of the housework and do not ask your child to pick up the slack. Your child sees you as the maid and will keep dirtying up the home as long as you keep cleaning up. You can either let the filth accumulate in hopes that the dirt will motivate your child to clean or you can tell your child to clean up or move out. Helping you keep house is the least that your child can do.

You don't expect your child to work, clean or go to school. You never mention work, or school to your child, you just let him linger. By not saying anything to your child about his slothful behavior you are actually sending your child the message that the way he is living is okay.

You are a pushover. You are too nice and not straightforward. Your child has minimal respect for you because you do not assert yourself. If you want results, you must put your foot down.

You will always be a parent and part of being a parent is guiding your child into independency. If you allow your child to stay home and do nothing with his/her life you are teaching your child to be dependent. It can be tough to say no but saying no places your child into the world of reality, a world where he must learn to fend and build for himself. You can of course help your child along the way but do not enable him or he will never learn.