Why I Am Cutting Alec Baldwin a Small Break for Losing His Cool

I'm not one of Alec Baldwin's fans. I don't remember the last time I watched one of his movies. While I can see why some people think he's handsome, I've never gazed longingly at his visage. Likewise, I'm also not a fan of Kim Basinger's. Although I knew Baldwin and Basinger were married and divorced and had a child together, I've never made it a point to follow the gossip surrounding their relationship, though I have noticed that their contentious divorce has been discussed in the news.

Recently, Alec Baldwin was called on the carpet for leaving an angry voice mail message for his 11 year old daughter, Ireland. He allegedly called her a "rude, thoughtless little pig" because she didn't answer her phone for a scheduled phone call from him. Further, after more venting on the phone, he said he planned to fly to Los Angeles to "straighten her ass out" on the issue. The voice mail mesage was then somehow leaked to the press.

Like a lot of people, I was initially shocked and horrified to read what Alec Baldwin said to his daughter in that voice mail. There's no doubt in my mind that what Baldwin said was not only abusive and over the top, it was also stupid. He indulged his temper and in the process, gave his ex wife and the press more ammunition to use against him. However, I also think it was wrong that the message got leaked to the press. I can't imagine how Ireland must feel, knowing what her father said to her in that voice mail and then having it aired for the whole world to hear. It's probably very embarrassing for her.

That said, I want to explain why I think Alec Baldwin deserves a break. It's because I happen to be married to a man who, like Alec Baldwin, is a non-custodial parent. Like Alec Baldwin, my husband lives on the other side of the country from his kids. And like Alec Baldwin, my husband has been the target of a vindictive ex spouse who hates him more than she loves her kids. Over the past few years, I've watched as my husband has tried to call his kids and had his calls go unanswered. I watched him try to set up visitations, only to be rebuffed. I've seen him write letters, send gifts, and emails, only to be ignored. Last summer, my husband's teenaged daughters sent him hate filled letters demanding that he let their stepfather adopt them, something that he's refused to allow. As heartbreaking as it was for my husband to get those letters, it wasn't entirely unexpected. My husband, who was his ex wife's second husband, raised her oldest son as his own after she divorced her first husband and cut him out of the boy's life. I expect that if things don't work out with her current husband, she'll do the same thing to her third husband and their two young kids together.

My husband is not the type of person who would ever lose his temper the way that Alec Baldwin did. That's probably a good thing, since he neither has the money nor the time to engage in courtroom battles with his ex. Nevertheless, over the years, he's watched as his ex wife has taken every communication he's had with his kids and other family members and twisted his words so that he looks like a bad person. It's easy for her to do this because the kids are with her all the time. The end result is that despite his efforts to the contrary, my husband's kids are alienated against him. While they may come around when they're adults, chances are they won't. And they'll be missing out on knowing a wonderful person as well as the man who helped give them life and nurture them.

If you've never had to deal with parental alienation, it's very easy to have a decidedly negative reaction to Alec Baldwin's behavior. Obviously, what he said was abusive and mean. I definitely think that Alec Baldwin needs to learn to better control his temper, particularly in his dealings with his daughter. On the other hand, what parent hasn't lost their temper with their kids at least once? What parent hasn't felt frustrated and angry by something their child has said or done? Of course I don't think it was right for Alec Baldwin to call his daughter a "thoughtless little pig". But I also don't think that Alec Baldwin is that much different than a lot of other parents out there, except that as a celebrity, he doesn't have the luxury of privacy. Most people who have to deal with such a heartbreaking and frustrating situation can at least make their mistakes without the world looking on.

Like it or not, Alec Baldwin is his daughter's father. Kim Basinger chose to make him Ireland's father when she chose to have a child with him. What's more, Baldwin and Basinger were married for several years. If Basinger thought he was an abusive person, shouldn't she have had the foresight to divorce him before she bore his child? Since she didn't do that, Alec Baldwin has a right to have a relationship with his daughter; likewise, Ireland has a right to know her father. Was Alec Baldwin abusive when he resorted to name calling and threats? Yes. Does he deserve to lose his daughter for what he said? Not in my opinion. As a child, my father sometimes called me names and threatened to "give me something to cry about". You know what? I still love him. I still have a relationship with him. I didn't always like his behavior toward me and I'm sure he didn't always love the way I acted toward him. But we're still family and we still have a bond.

I really think that in this country, it's far too easy for divorced parents to use their children as pawns. Adults who make the choice to make and break families get so caught up in avenging themselves that they lose sight of what's best for their children. It's not fair to ask children to take sides when parents make the choice to divorce. And it's not fair for parents to further their own agendas against each other by publicly airing their dirty laundry and humiliating their kids. I really hope for Ireland's sake that Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger grow up and start acting like real parents. If they don't, it'll be Ireland, not Baldwin or Basinger, who will suffer the most.