Why I Am Not in My Office

Well, congratulations, you found me.
Welcome to the third floor.
But if you really want to talk to me,
you'll have to make another little trip
to the top of the library
where I'll be drinking coffee
and scribbling in my notebook
and looking out the window at
the honest yellow-bellied sliders
and those weird hybrid ducks
that don't appear anywhere in Peterson's.
(I've looked.)
And, shocking as it might be,
I'm probably thinking and writing
about my own problems
and not yours.
And it's true that you have serious problems
to discuss with me.
Your boyfriend is bipolar,
but he won't break up with you.
And you can't break up with him
because on your first date,
he told you about his suicide attempt.
Okay, maybe this is from my life
and not yours.
But take my advice: Break with him now.
He's stronger than you think.
Or maybe you really need a B in my class
even though you know you didn't earn it.
But you need it desperately.
And you need to tell me that
you never came to class--
not because you were sick--
but because we never did anything.
All we did was talk about the things we read--
and whether they were true--or not--
and whether the writers were being honest--or not.
I mean, really, what's the point of that?
It wasn't about Georgia and
it wasn't about you,
and it wasn't about your paper,
and it wasn't about how to get an A on your paper.
But now you need a B,
and I should give you one--
not because you tried
or because you are such a nice person (
Imagine that last line in the voice and accent
of Luis Borges and it will make more sense),
but because you need it.
And the truth is I will probably give you
a B or an A,
not because you are such a nice person,
but because I am.

So forgive me this
one
little
rebellion.
I'm just too old to spend all day
in a room with no window
and far too chummy with death
to do anything and everything for a job
paying less than forty thousand a year.
I won't be hard to find.
Just come up the stairs to the second floor
and look for me in the place where they sell coffee.
I'll be next to the really big window.