Why I Am Still a Catholic

Lots of people who have left the Church might ask me why I am still a Catholic. When I look at the recent history of the Catholic Church, there are plenty reasons why one might question why anyone is still a member of this nearly 2000 year old institution of faith. Why wouldn't one leave a church where women are denied positions of leadership available in every other profession. Or seen another way, how could one stay in a church where sexual abuse not only ran rampant, but was also enabled by the weak policies of trusted church leaders. Who would want to be connected to such an institution? Apparently, me. But why?

To begin by the age of 14 I was a a fully initiated member of the Catholic Church community. This means that over time I received all of the sacraments of initiation . As an infant my parents and Godparents took me to their local Catholic Church and asked that I receive the Sacrament of Baptism, the first of the three Sacraments of Initiation. Through this first sacrament I was welcomed into a community whose faith was clearly laid out in the Nicene and the Apostles Creed. On my behalf, my parents accepted that faith. I was anointed with oil and washed in the holy water of baptism. The sign of the cross was made over me and the words " I baptize thee in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit" were said. I was on my way to becoming a full member of the faith community before I was even two months old.

At the age of 7, with a full class of second grade students I received the second sacrament of initiation, the Eucharist. I had spent 2 years, which for a seven year old is more than a quarter of her whole life time, preparing for this venture. I learned prayers and hymns, I went to mass every Sunday, I thought a lot about what it meant to sin and learned how to receive the sacramental forgiveness for sin in the Sacrament of Reconciliation . When I was judged ready, I came forward during a Sunday mass celebration, with my whole family in attendance, and receive the Body and Blood of Christ at communion time. I was told and I fully accepted that from here on in, my growth in the faith could be nourished on a daily basis by receiving the Eucharist..

So I continued to go to mass at least every Sunday but also during holy seasons or when I felt like I wanted to go during the rest of the year on weekdays. It didn't seem so hard. In fact I liked it,

The final Sacrament of Initiation came my way when I was in the eighth grade when the Archbishop came to our parish and conferred on the members of our class the Sacrament of Confirmation. I got to say at Confirmation what had been said for me by my parents and Godparents when I was baptized. I said the creed and with conviction. I said I believed in God the Father, Jesus his Son and the Holy Spirit.. I gave my verbal assent to things like the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and eternal life. I was sealed with holy oils and marked again with the sign of the cross. I was a full fledged adult member of the Catholic Church.

That membership meant a lot to me. In fact it became my compass through high school, away at college, when I married and as I brought up my own family. It gave me direction and purpose but it also helped me to remember at challenging times in my life, just who in fact I was and what was important in my life. My faith was my anchor never letting me stray to far away from what I had come to believe.

The most important reason why I am still a Catholic is that what I believed in the past is what I continue to believe today. The mistakes, sins, errors, of the leadership of the church have no more to do with the fabric of my faith then the mistakes, sins and errors of my next door neighbor or the guy down the street. My faith is what I believe and it's not really touched by who leads the songs or who gets to read the gospel. What I came to believe about God in those early days and what stayed with me as I grew up and became part of the adult community is what I continue to believe now.

I have come to accept that those in leadership positions in the Church, just like political leaders, are in no way immune to human failings. I can be disappointed in what they do or don't do, but I am only responsible for my faith and how I live it. I want to worship, I want to pray, I want to serve in community. I believe in the creed so why should I let some bad actors take those things away from me. It is as much my faith as it is theirs. They don't get to make me walk away. They just don't have that kind of power. So yes personal stubbornness is an element of why I am still a Catholic.

Of course one might say that you can believe in the faith without going to Church. Perhaps, but for me one reason why I am still a Catholic is that it is precisely in this blemished establishment, in the midst of these broken people that I find community. There are others there with whom I share the most basic Catholic Christian beliefs, who seek not just to hear God's word but to do it as well. There are people who want to feed the hungry, minister to the sick, reach out to the lonely and oppressed. I feel part of and am enriched by celebrating with that community.

But couldn't you just go work at a soup kitchen or be a volunteer at a local shelter? Sure. But my call is not to follow the head of a community feeding station but to seek out and find ways to follow Jesus. I have always been helped in that pursuit by belonging to a community of Catholic believers.

Many people including many non-Catholics would say that the mark of Catholics is attending mass on Sunday. Since the scandals of this passed decade many Catholics have struggled to continue making weekly appearances at liturgy. It's a challenge. Does going give support to a hierarchy that has presided over the transport of evil from parish to parish ? Does being in the pew somehow faintly say what has happened is in any way okay? I hope not .

While Sunday mass attendance can be a sort of litmus test of conformity with the Church , for me it remains an opportunity to find oneself in community with the earliest Christians who set the pattern for our modern celebrations as the gathered to read from scripture, pray, enjoy fellowship and recall the deeds of Jesus especially in the breaking of the bread. I remain Catholic because that's more than I am ready to part with.