Why I Am Well Qualified to Be an Associated Content Parent Contributor

I see that Associated Content is looking for contributors for the parenting section and I think I might apply just as soon as Family Court lets me off of house arrest. How did I know that duct tape was NOT the proper way to baby sit kids.

Actually I am just teasing, supergluing them to the chair is much easier.
Okay, I admit I shouldn't have given my son that tattoo when he was ten. But hey he was a big hit at school with that naked lady on his chest. But my wife did get annoyed when I wrote MOM under it.
And serving liquor at my daughter's sixth birthday party was not a good idea. But hey. both the parents and kids went home happy.
And I saw nothing wrong wth my kid getting a Mohawk for graduation. I admit it did mess up her prom pictures.

Actually I am quite proud of my kids. My son especially. Do you know how hard it is to burn down an entire school just using one match. I think the Fire Chief should have been flattered that my son was able to keep so many fireman employed for an entire night. Obama has his economic stimulus program, my son has his.

Also I am proud of my daughter. She is an entrepreneur, and built an entire network marketing business that was worth millions of dollars. Sure, the Feds call it drug dealing, but I argue that it is all a matter of perspective. Here is a bright young lady employing dozens of kids who make over 50 bucks an hour, a lot more than Wal-Mart pays. And she is NOT in the drug dealing business. I like to think of it as the import business. She even had her own warehouse, until the Feds got snippy and closed it down. DO you how many warehouse workers lost their jobs. And they say this administration wants to create jobs.

But like I say, I am proud of my kids. My daughter could be in jail right now, but she is a quick thinker and had that affair with the Congressman. Loose morals be damned. He kept her out of jail and is paying $5,000 a month to keep her happy. Sure some people could call it hush money, but as I said, it is all a matter of perspective.

Anyway I need to wrap this up as I am anxious to apply to be a contributor to the parenting section of Associated Content. I am downright flattered that they asked me and since I am on home arrest for that little incident of sharing my bourbon with the kid next door, I don't have much to do, except sit around the house and write parenting articles.

Heck, I might even become a featured contributor and my kids will be as proud of me as I am of them.

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