Why You - as a Writer - Need a Stalker

Stalkers are typically frowned upon. Both in terms of being a stalker and having a stalker. I agree that being a stalker does not pay dividends. However, as an Associated Content Writer - or writer for other internet sites - you need a stalker. You may ask, "Why would I need a stalker, let alone put up with one?" Well, putting up with a stalker is not really a choice. A stalker is typically persistent and determined. Stalkers can potentially be slowed down by restraining orders, but a true stalker will find a way to circumvent a restraining order. In the internet age - which I seem to discuss ad nauseam - stalkers can be beneficial, even if simultaneously abhorrent.

As a writer, there is a good chance you have a blog. A stalker will provide hits to your blog on a daily basis. After all, it is a stalker - stalking is what they do. Furthermore, a stalker may post comments, which, more often than not, lead to heated discussions. Why settle for boring discussions when you can have heated stalker discussions? These comment discussions will lead to increased traffic on the blog - in addition to the increased traffic the stalker provides on a daily basis. Increased internet traffic potentially leads to additional stalkers. Why restrict yourself to one stalker when you can let the work of many stalkers exponentially benefit you and your writing?

Whether you write books, articles, short stories, poems or scripts, a stalker will read these - it is their job. By soliciting stalkers, you are creating an automatic audience for yourself and your writing. The more stalkers you have, the bigger your loyal, unwavering audience is. Furthermore, stalkers may compete to be the best stalker. This can only benefit you, the writer. These benefits come in the forms of hits, clicks, traffic, comments, discussions and sales. Stalkers live for this stuff.

Now, if you really want to put my stalker theory - and the stalkers - to work, write a memoir. Of all the pieces of writing that a stalker cherishes the most, a memoir is at the top of the list. After all, a memoir is about you - the writer - the person being stalked. A memoir is the bread and butter of furthering your relationship with a stalker... short of actually having a relationship with a stalker - you wouldn't want to do that. After all, they are stalkers. But, if you don't need an actual relationship and don't believe in violence, feel free to be my writing stalker. Until I rescind this offer because I've determined that you - the stalker - are preventing me from conducting business. At which time, I will procure a restraining order, tell you to cease and desist and sue you. But, hey, that could be fun too. After all, who can call themselves a stalker if they've never received a restraining order, a cease and desist letter and been sued?