Why You Should Avoid the Library at All Costs During Finals Week

Part 1

It's Tuesday night and I have a final tomorrow morning. I simply cannot study in my room as there are too many distractions. Distractions meaning the basic clutter of crap that is my room. So, I pack up my laptop and head off to the library. During finals it is open 24/7. This availability is beneficial in several ways.

A) It's open 24/7. Always open. Open always. Need I say more?

B) If you happen to tire of studying you can always take a quick nap on one of the couches and when you awake, your studying resources await you! Some students have even been known to spend the whole night in the library, alternately sleeping and studying.

So, I'm headed to the library for some nice quiet studying. Maybe I'll hit up Starbucks on the way over for a vanilla latte. I'll find a nice quiet corner in one of those comfy upholstered chairs and study to my hearts content. Perhaps I'll join a small study group politely quizzing each other. Ah… the peace that is the library during finals.

Well, imagine the rude awakening I received when I finally arrived at the library. Peace?! Ha! The library had suddenly turned into a cutthroat dog-eat-dog haven for caffeine addicted over-achievers. The peaceful study-group had transformed into a loud obnoxious games show! Every chair, every table, every computer, every god-forsaken AC cord outlet was taken! I picked my way through the various legs and arms and bodies spread out on the floor (yes, even the floor was taken) hoping to find a computer to use. It seemed I was in for a long night and my laptop's precious battery life had to be conserved for the time of greatest need, so I was out to find a computer to use. What did I find? Other skulkers like myself, circling the occupied computers, desperately waiting for someone to finish or at least give up, attempting to look nonchalant as we raced for a recently emptied seat. This is what I meant when I said cutthroat.

Eventually I figured out that there was a sort of Mafia group controlling who got what computers. Do a favor and you just might find yourself propelled into a much desired computer slot.

"Hey, I need to get that computer seat."

"What's it worth to you?"

"There's two dollars on a copy card in it for you if you run interference."

"Alright, but I need payment up front."

"Not until you deliver."

"I need collateral, then."

"Fine, take my Economics textbook."

"You get it back when I get my copy card."

"And you get the copy card once you run interference and I have successfully obtained a seat at the computer. Deal?"
"Deal."

(Furtive shaking of hands.)

Part 2

Well, it turns out that getting into the Mafia is harder than it looks, and if you don't have a copy card (as I didn't) then you're shit out of luck. After several failed attempts at gaining a computer I resigned myself to navigating the various elevators up to the stacks and using my laptop up there. The stacks are nearly always empty, except of course for the occasional amorous couple. But usually, you can count on only books to keep you company. Books and incredibly comfortable ergonomic chairs. Really, ergonomic.

Once again, the library disappoints. Instead of the usual empty cubicles and desks I see rows and rows of cords coming around corners and filling up all the outlets! A sure sign that there will inevitably be a personage filling the cubicle associated with the outer outlet. Once again I am lowered to skulking around searching for the one empty seat that exists…. somewhere. Fast forward to an hour later after I've ridden the elevators up and down, up and down to every floor, searching for that one elusive seat! Alas, it is not to be found and with the greatest dejection I trudge the long and winding road back to my dorm, back to the clutter of crap that is my room.