Why the Big Ten Network Ruined Football!

"Fred, what's The Big Ten?"

"It's..."

"Oh yea, I think I remember that. I forgot it for a while. It's what we used to call the first ten colonies (states) in the America, right?"

"Nope. It's...."

"It's not?"....."It must be that famous clock then, huh?"

"Wrong again!"

"The NFL quarterback? That ultra-defensive basketball player? WHAT?"

"No, no, and no!"

"Then what in the world is it?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, Jim! It's football. It stands for football!"

"They have a network now too, Jim."

"Oh, good. So I can watch them on TV?"

"Well....not really. Only special...."

"Oh, that's too bad. I watched a football game when I went to Brazil. It was really fun."

"At least we're on the same page now."

"Well...."

"What teams play in it? I know about Brazil, but England, Australia, Chili, Mexico, Russia? Any others?"

"Yea, a lot of others. You're not even close. You didn't name one-single-team!"

"What are you talking about? I KNOW WHAT FOOTBALL IS! I've seen it played all around the world."

"Yea, soccer-football - the weird name everyone else has for it! I'm not talking about soccer: I'm talking about really football - American football. Do you remember?"

"Huh? No clue."

"You know: WI, UM, PSU, IL, IA, OSU, Purdue, MN, NW, IN, and MSU."

"That's 11, I think you have one too many."

"That's a matter for another time."

"Good, 'cause those names don't sound familiar at all!"

"Who's WI?"

"That's Wisconsin."

"Oh, well they sound confused. They're asking WI no one pays attention anymore?"

"UM sounds like a content team. I think they just had a good meal."

"Huh?"

"You know. Um-um-good!"

"Oh, I get it, Jim. Maybe they just finished with OSU."

"OSU? What is that, a drug or something?"

"No, Jim. But maybe that's why....oh well, never mind."

"What? What were you gona say - a rhyme? 'Why-high. That is why...they are high?'"

"I didn't say it for a reason, Jim. That's not politically correct.....Steroids don't classify as being high."

"Change subject...Fred, you should think before you speak next time."

"I didn't say it. You di..."

"Oh man! I wouldn't want to be around the next guys, Fred. I think they're mad at U. Look at it: PSSSS-U"

"That's not what it means, Jim."

"Oh, ok. But those next guys! They're definitely sick!"

"You mean, ill......"

"Yea those guys."

"Wow, these other guys just need to spell. Fred, tell them to go back to grammar school. It's a'ight, not IA."

"Jim, let me get a word in..."

"You don't need to explain. I already understand it, Fred. They're making Pur-dge-u lie in court. They must know something about the steroids."

"I thought we changed the subject."

"Oh yea, we did...At least MN sounds good, they sell candy, right?"

"No, you mean M and ...."

"NW?"

"That's not what I meant....They stand for No-Way fans will watch."

"Well I think that one team understands it all-right: they're IN. You know what I mean?"

"I don't know if they've ever been IN the National Championship game, Jim. With all the controversy surrounding the BCS it's hard to make it. And now...now we have to worry about the BTN."

"Wow, I can't keep up with all this change. I think they're trying too hard to be exclusive, Fred."

"Yep, Jim. You're right. And unfortunately, I don't think we're ever going to get it."

"I guess not.....this is confusing, Fred. I wish I remembered what the Big Ten was - I know I used to!"

"I feel your pain Jim. I think MSU does too. They MiSS-U...I mean, they miss all of their fans."

"Yea, I miss them too, Fred. I think I'm gona cry. They should put them back on real TV."

Way to go BTN....WAY-TO-GO!