Why the Boss Couldn't Perform at the Knitting Factory

I'm writing songs on my smooth acoustic guitar so I can play them for an audience at the Knitting Factory in one of five locations: Hollywood, Boise, Spokane, Reno, or Brooklyn. If I am lucky, and utilize my positive thought process, I will be playing my songs in the Hollywood Knitting Factory. My second choice is the Brooklyn location. The third (if I really must concede!) is Spokane. But after that, Knitting Factory, I will deny your request to play my songs. Boise? No. I won't play there. Reno? Not a chance.

The Knitting Factory is a lot of things, and not just a venue where I can play my acoustic songs. If you would like to know what this is all about, visit this website (click here). If you think you already know what the Knitting Factory (click here to see a picture of the Hollywood Knitting Factory) is all about, then don't visit. It's up to you. I'm not going to explain the 'bigger' picture that is the Knitting Factory. There are more important things to say.

Devendra Banhart played years ago at the Knitting Factory in NYC, and he covered a song by Elizabeth Cotton, called 'Shake Sugaree' (to see the video, click here). Cotton also wrote 'Freight Train'. If you haven't listened to Devendra Banhart, or Elizabeth Cotton, you really should (click to see their pictures). This is what has inspired me to write songs on my acoustic guitar and play at the Knitting Factory.

I will not only be playing my acoustic guitar at the Knitting Factory. During three songs (so far), I will drop my acoustic guitar (gently, very gently) to the stage and quickly grab my violin (given to me by a dear friend of mine) and burn a few notes for the audience. Tears will be standing on the rims of eyelids, hanging on for just one more second while I cleave the general ear. The Knitting Factory has a lot to look forward to. And I don't even want to get paid. They can hold all the profit.

The Knitting Factory is a hip place. The people who play there aren't, necessarily, hip, but there is a good chance they are. The percentages are high, which means chances are good, that the artists playing at the K.F. are hip.

Also, the K.F. is an intimate place, where artists, such as Devendra Banhart, tell anecdotes while sipping wine before performing lovely songs. The K.F. lends itself to sophistication and class. Could the Boss play at the Factory? No, it is too small. His head is too big. Britney Spears also couldn't play at the Knitting Factory because their sound equipment is too antiquated for lip synchronization. Call it a flaw, or call it traditional. There is a window which artists must squeeze through in order to play at the K.F.

There is one artist who hasn't played at the Factory, and I think it's a shame he hasn't. That artist is known, in most circles, as Charlie Manson. His voice would resonate and cause a mild psychedelic experience for each audience member. No need for electricity when Charlie's playing guitar. Candles to light the stage, a good guitar, and a voice that is 250,000 years old (click here to see what I'm talking about).

One more month, Hollywood (or Brooklyn) Knitting Factory, and I'll be ready.