Why Boy Friends Are Harder to Find Than Boyfriends

It is very difficult for society to view platonic opposite-sex friendships as just platonic. And very often they are right. I don't care what anyone says, there is always an underlying attraction coming from at least one side of the friendship, even if the person never acts on it. After all, most guys don't want to be friends with unattractive girls, and vice versa.

For some reason, it is much easier to find guys to date and have romantic relationships with than it is to just find a guy to be friends with and nothing more. I think part of it is the social expectations placed on the relationship. Let's say a girl meets a guy in a public place and he asks for her phone number, she is going to assume he has a romantic interest in her. If he doesn't pursue anything romantic or sexual with her at some point, she is going to think he is strange. After all, who goes to the book store or coffee house to make friends? Friends are people we meet through school, or work or other situations that require our interaction. We don't simply decide to go out and make new "friends." We do go to bars and clubs, however, in hopes of finding someone we are attracted to and could possible have a romantic relationship with.

Some people thinks guys and girls can be just friends. And sometimes this is true. But there are many times when a guy and a girl accidentally cross the line, whether it be an impulsive act solely based on lust, which is then instantly regretted, or a drunken stupor. Then the friendship is ackward for a long time after. And many times the friendship is dissolved.

I have had a problem finding simple guy friends. Every time I meet a guy, he always wants more. I don't, I try to be diplomatic in expressing to him that I don't want to date anyone, and then he feels rejected and can't face me anymore. Or, I was good friends with a guy for 5 years, and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was comfortable with where our friendship was-he wanted to cross the line, and I felt slightly threatened. I didn't like the idea of him viewing me in that way, it simply took away my feelings of comfort. We know that men are preoccupied with sex much of the time, but we like to think that our guy friends don't ever have dirty thoughts about us. Too bad that isn'the case.

I have one really good guy friend right now, who I spend a lot of time with, but I have expressed to him that I don't want to date anyone right now. He comes to me for dating advice regarding various girls he goes on dates with, and we have never hooked up or cross the line. Everyone thinks we're secretly dating. It's funny how people can't accept the fact that we're just friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm certain he would hook up with me if I really wanted to, but I don't. I like to keep dating and friendship separate, because if it were to not work out (which it probably wouldn't), then it would be weird seeing him after that. I'm not one of those girls who is friends wih my exes. I have enough friends in my life, I don't need ex-boyfriends as reminders of the past. It's a lifestyle choice, made personally by me.

I consider myself to be an outgoing girl who smiles and laughs a lot. I think a lot of people tend to mistake this for "gentle flirting", although I certainly don't intend that at all. I probably have led various guys on without even meaning to. Can't a girl just be nice without there being anything more to it? But I think it is true that if any guy and girl spend a given amount of time together, an attraction will build. Even if there isn't a physical attraction, you get to know the person at a deeper level and you begin to be attracted to other aspects of their personality.

I would love to have more guy friends than the guys I have now. I think I'm going to make guys fill out applications when they ask for my phone number, stating whether or not their intentions are going to be strictly platonic or romantic. That way, this will help me avoid any future confusion.