Why Can't I Do it All Myself?!

The lights begin to flicker
And the washer doesn't work.
The sump pump has stopped sumping
And I feel like a complete jerk.
The disposal has stopped grinding
And the furnace just won't light -
The drains are backing up
In the middle of the night.

The TV's on the fritz
And the darn old car won't start.
The cell phone shows no bars
(I can't find a place with any)
The hot water heater's broken down
The faucet just won't bring me any.
What to do and who to call,
My head's all swirling 'round
And I feel I should know how to fix things
Not just grunt frustrated sounds.

A lot of good that college did
To prepare me for this life
And all the things I wish I'd learned
(And so wishes my dear wife.)
Time to hit the Yellow Pages
And check the balance in the bank
'Cause it's time to call in the
Special Forces
Of trades people who I'll pay gladly
To thank.

I suppose if I could do it all
I'd be a different sort of man'
I do what I do
For the most part well -
But recognize the things I can't.
So there is a place for everyone
And needs we all can meet,
Mechanical stuff is not my thing -
Skilled people can't be beat.