Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

Though the saying of "Why can't we all just get along" goes back to the Rodney King case from 1991 the saying has been used countless times, in countless situations for many different reasons.

Yes, I know that in a world of roughly 7 billion people there are going to be just as many opinions and thoughts on any given subject. However there are ways in this world to get our opinions across without being hostile to one another, and without being over-bearing to the point that your point is lost along the way.

Five tips from INC.com to get your point across without seeming rude to others around you are:

1. Get more information before making a statement. Making a statement rather than asking a question closes off the possibility that you'll gain additional understanding and increases the likelihood that you'll be perceived negatively. Don' t jump to the conclusion that your way's the only way without getting the full story.
Raw: That's never going to work.

Polished: I don't have enough information yet to get behind this and see how it will help improve project outcomes. Can you tell me more about what you' re proposing?

2. Check out any assumptions you might be making. If you think you've made an assumption, ask (and if you don't think you make any assumptions, you've just made a big one!). More often than not, because of our own filters, what we hear is quite different from what someone has actually said and certainly different from what they might have intended to say. Get clarity as quickly as possible to avoid tainting the interaction with a misconception made early on.

Raw: You're trying to keep me out of the loop, and you're talking down to me.

Polished: I'm making the assumption that you think I shouldn't be involved in this project and that you think I'm less qualified on this subject than you are. Is that correct?

Raw: You need to do a great job on this project, or we'll all be in trouble.

Polished: In order to fulfill expectations for success on this project, you need to improve our customer relations feedback from fair to good within six months of starting the new approach. Knowing that, is there anything else we need to add to help meet that goal?

3. Keep everyone focused on the goal and intention. Create common ground on which to share your perspective. This helps people maintain understanding without hitting hot buttons as quickly or ferociously.

Raw: I don't work that way, I have high standards.

Polished: I have some concerns about doing it this way, particularly that our approach will seem rude to customers. I'd like to propose another option that leads to the same goals.

4. Know the difference between inquiry and advocacy. Much of the time, conversations go nowhere or aren't as productive as they could be, because participants are too busy trying to convince others that their position is the correct one. Spend time inquiring into another participant's position, as well as sharing why you've arrived at your own position. Remember, your truth isn't the only truth, and you may not even be right. Keeping this in mind helps us be more humble as we enter into conversation with others.

Raw: We can't do that. We have to do what I've suggested, or the project won't work.

Polished: Tell me more about how your suggestion might help us reach our goal for this project, and then I'd like to share more information about my own suggestion.

5. Set the stage. Demonstrate your authenticity by telling people that you might not have it down pat yet. This comment instantly brings your audience to the table in terms of how you're operating and what they might expect. Note: Don't use this rule as an excuse to shoot off your mouth about anything. Use it as a guide to your intentions.

Raw: I'm going to say what I'm feeling and thinking.

Polished: Before we get started, I want to let you know that I'm trying to be more authentic. Do all of you feel comfortable with this? (Offer to share examples of your candor.)

I don't have enough information yet to get behind this and see how it will help improve project outcomes. Can you tell me more about what you' re proposing?

Let us review these tips and discover how they can help us all get along better in everyday situations.

Number 1 states that you should be clear on all information before making a decision or before taking a side in any situation. Never out right tell someone they are wrong in any situation before you have all the facts and information to make an informed decision. This can apply to almost all situations in our lives where we are dealing with people in any group whether it be in a working environment or in everyday life.

In number 2 we read that it is best not to assume and if you think that you are not assuming then you actually are! I like my husbands saying of when you assume you make an ass out of you and me! There is another one on assumptions that I really enjoy but I find it not appropriate to post in this article. Basically, ask questions on anything you are unclear about before making a snap decision or comment. Think things through and use the filter between your brain and your mouth. No one thinks highly of someone who makes snap judgments and comments before all the facts are in front of them.

INC.com suggests in number 3 that we should work together in a goal. We shouldn't assume that everyone is going to think or work the same exact way that you do. This is another wonderful reason to take number 1 and number 2 on the list into consideration when working with, talking with, or writing info for other individuals and outlets.

Now, let us explore number 4 on the INC.com list. This one is fabulous example. Do not spend to much time in any situation trying to convince people that you are right and they are wrong. You waste more time arguing and nothing gets accomplished. All you will walk away with is a person or a group of people upset with you because you are certain your way is the only way in any situation that arises. Work with and speak with people in calm, collected terms and work together to accomplish a common goal or point. This example once again can be used in many everyday situations that we find ourselves in.

The last tip from INC.com is that we should show that we are truly interested and truly want to make things work for the better of the group. It shows that we understand that everyone is not the same and everyone is not always going to agree, but we can work together to make most any situation work. Show that you are willing to listen and willing to help if needed. Let others know what you intend to do, and let others know that you are willing to compromise.

In short, the closest we are going to ever get to everyone getting along is to work together. Do not be afraid to ask questions and learn from others. Never make the assumption that you are always correct and that your way is always the best. Be willing to learn from others. Be willing to step forward and agree to disagree and move on from there. I've never been one to say let everyone walk all over you, and I never plan to be. However, realizing that there is a time and a place for everything and everyone, goes a long way in helping us in everyday life. It helps us to understand each other better, and it will make all us a lot easier to get along with. Teach yourself to be the bigger person and teach yourself how to ask questions when needed. We can continue to learn everyday if we can train ourselves to ask questions and to work together.