Why Children Ask "Why?"

Why is the sky blue? Why do I have to brush my teeth when I just did it yesterday? Why does she get more popcorn than me? Let's face it, some children ask a lot of "why" questions. However, all whys are not created equal. We may want to lump them all into the category of "irritating things my children do" but there are different reasons why your children ask you why? Here, we'll explore a few.

1. Curiosity. Young children ask why because there is so much that they don't know and understand yet. It is our job as their parents to train, teach, and instruct. The seemingly bottomless pit of questions your children ask is fertile ground for planting seeds of information and watering the saplings of curiosity. Some children are simply wired to ask why? They seem to be born with an insatiable desire to know as much as possible about everything around them. They question everything, can't accept things at face value and are uncomfortable with ambiguity. For some of these kids, their questions may not stop there. They may have been rooted in curiosity but have since blossomed into one of the following.

2. Control. Asking why can be a way for some children to exert control. You can tell the difference between an inquisitive why and a challenging why. Children who question you at every turn, particularly in response to an instruction are likely vying for control. They may not be so bold to say an outright, "no!" to an instruction, but their need for independence and control may rear its ugly head in the form of a question. Equip yourself with mental "glasses" that will help you detect the difference.

3. Habit. Maybe it started as curiosity or control but now, your child asks why simply out of habit. It is now the first thing to fly out of their mouths when an instruction or command is given without even thinking.

Maybe you found your little inquisitors described above. Now you are wondering, "What can I do about it?" There are some actions that parents can take in order to reduce the frequency of a why response.

1. Answer them. For children who are simply curious, answer their questions to the best of your ability. If you don't know the answer, agree to investigate together. Some very inquisitive children may require the implementation of a "look it up" notebook. This is a great tool to use when you do not have the time or resources to respond when the question is asked.

2. Employ a mantra. In response to a why after a command or instruction, make your immediate response something like: "Obey first, ask second." Say this over and over until it is your automatic response to a challenge of your authority. Once they have obeyed, you can let them know that you are willing to hear any question they may have. You want to encourage dialogue with your children, not squelch it. But you need to direct them to the appropriate timing for that dialogue. Chances are a challenging why will lose its urgency once the instruction has been heeded.

3. Ignore them. This is the old standby. It is what our people tell us to do when our children do something wrong. It is what we tell our children to do if someone does something wrong to them. Simple, but definitely not easy. Nevertheless, this is the best response for those kids who ask why more out of habit than curiosity or control. By simply saying nothing, you draw their attention to what they just asked and you may find that they drop the whole issue altogether. Habits take about a month to be eliminated (shorter for some children) so be patient.

The why questions your children ask can be classified as good, bad or indifferent. Determining the motivation behind the questions is part of your job as a parent. Once you can determine the reason, you can formulate an effective response. Once you get a handle on it, you may even find yourself asking your spouse, "Why aren't they asking why so much anymore?"