Why I Chose a Traditional Wedding

Throughout most of history, the wedding has been seen as a community event. It wasn't really just about the couple. It was about everyone. The whole community coming together to celebrate a day of joy. The parents of the couple gave a feast. Guests brought thoughtful gifts meant to help the couple get started in life.

But sometime in the last few decades, things began changing. Couples wanted the wedding day to be "their" day. They wanted to go someplace cool and unique. Invitations started arriving with messages like "In lieu of gifts, please help us pay for our honeymoon." The wedding was no longer about getting together with the community and celebrating. It became more about lavishness, expensiveness and expressing individuality. And why would couples want gifts? Instead, they began asking for money. How else would they be able to go on that fantastic honeymoon to that exotic place?

I was never one for the fairytale wedding. A princess dress in a large cathedral or wedding hall was not my idea of fun. But I did want a traditional wedding. I wanted family and friends present. I wanted something classy. I wanted a reception. I wanted the kind of wedding where you can see the people you care about and thank them for being a part of your life; and where friends and family - my own community - could celebrate with us.

My traditional wedding wasn't really about me or my soon-to-be husband. We actually planned for two receptions, since our families lived on opposite ends of the country. I gave my mom license for the reception in my hometown, and my husband gave his mom the green light for the New York reception. We did help out there. I enjoyed picking out the flowers, matching favors, deciding on food, posing for announcement pictures, designing a cake and choosing centerpieces. My mom and I spent time together as we picked out a dress pattern for my wedding dress and my bridesmaids' dresses. We spent even more time together picking out the material and then sewing the dresses. And my husband spent hours conferring with his mother and sister about the reception in New York. Honestly, the wedding turned into a great way for us to spend time with our families and with each other.

The day of the wedding was a bit overcast, but it was beautiful. We exchanged rings in front of friends and family and got to share a moment of joy with our loved ones. We went to a reception, amidst congratulatory bubbles blowing around us, and we had toasts and food and even some dancing. People gave us gifts that they had thoughtfully picked out. At the reception in my hometown, we had lattices to stand behind us and the cake. I had a live jazz trio (led by my former high school band teacher) and there was dancing. My brother wore a kilt bearing the tartan of my grandmother's Scottish family. We thanked everyone for coming individually, and I enjoyed watching the guests speak with each other and have a nice time.

What made my wedding day special was not that it was "my" wedding day. It was "our" wedding day - mine and my husbands and our families'. What made it special was that I got to share it with my loved ones. Friends and family made that day special. Sure, my husband and I could have gone and married on some beach somewhere, or done it while skydiving, but it would have been rather lonely.

Besides, in a way, a traditional wedding is a thank you to all the people who have helped raise you and cared for you and made you who you are. A traditional wedding further strengthened the ties I have with my community of family and friends as we all shared this important life event together. A traditional wedding embodies community, and community spirit seems to be lacking more and more. The idea of excluding family and friends only emphasizes our shrinking dependence and interest in community.

My traditional wedding was my way of combating our growing isolation from each other, and trying to bring members of my community closer. I think it worked.