WHY CHRIS H. IS HATED by MANY

These days, it seems that everyone, including overtly judgmental family members, monkey-like chef instructors, and even borderline midgets absolutely hate me, the Evil Chris H. But why? Am I really that evil? Some would say yes. Others would say si, but most, I'm sure, would have no opinion. Am I hated by the fat because I am not one of them? Am I despised by the bald because I have a steady hairline? Or is it simply because I am a bad person?

The answer is choice number three, Chris H. is a very bad person. As for the judgmental family members, I do admit to making negative verbal comments, mostly about my mother's side, directed toward their drinking problems, drug addictions, and constant trips to the local police station, usually resulting in a prolonged stay in jail for various reasons related to violence, alcohol, or both. Not all of them are that bad of course, but I have decided to leave young children and the unborn out of this as their addictions are simply not their fault. There is absolutely no good reason to have kids if you can not afford them. That is the main thing that I just don't understand about the idiotic beings that I call my parents. How can anyone give birth to five children, realize you can't handle them, then have two more?That kind of stuff should be illegal. This proves of the general weak maturity level possessed by the uneducated. And verbally stating that opinion of mine several times makes me a bad person. If that is true, then I accept being called a bad person, or whatever creative way anyone else has of putting it.

As for the monkey-like chef instructors, they are not all monkey-like. Some resemble wild boars, elephants, and even strange, skinny, pig-looking creatures that are very disturbing to look at. Why do they hate me? Well now they all have another reason to. But the hatred is mutual, and they are not all that bad, but the ones that are deserve a metaphorical slap in the face by a raw piece of chicken thrown by an angry culinary student that just realized that a certain chef misjudged a mystery box and thus, received the wrong grade. There is no God.

Then there are the borderline midgets. I know it may seem wrong, and it is, but I just can't seem to keep a straight face when they appear out of nowhere. I know, I am a terribly bad person. But at least I'm not fat, short, or addicted. That would make me an ugly bad person.

Even I know that there is something wrong with me. My family tells me all the time. However, I can't take their opinions seriously due to the low intelligence level. Does that mean that I am dumb to? At this point , I do not know. But there are several differences between me and my parents when it comes to appearance and other issues that are just too mean to mention here. For example, my dad looks like a short Mexican. That must be why the cops always beat him. But for some reason, the police stay away from me. Thus, I look nothing like my father. Thank you Jesus, for making me look this way. How can I repay the Lord for that one? Perhaps by believing that he still exists or ever did at all in the first place. Then there's my mom. What a "special" human being. She can't take the entire blame for how I turned out. Oh, wait a minute, yes she can. "But Chris H, from nine on, she didn't even raise you."
Exactly.