Why Your Computer Hates YOU!

Thank God computers cannot talk. Imagine what they would say to us, well at least to me. It would be something like:

Why are you here? Okay we don't mean why are YOU on this earth, but in Computerland, we often ponder that question as when it comes to finding web sites you seem to have the intelligence of a gnat and that is insulting the gnat.

You are on this web site because you were too dumb to type in a correct web address. Now I have to send my minions scurrying through web site after web site , hoping that we can find what your dim little brain was looking for. Here is the first hint. There is no university site called University.DUH. although that does sound appropriate for your minimally evolved brain. Perhaps brain-trust, you were looking for University.EDU, not University.DUH?

We are going to offer you a list of suggestions for that web site you might be looking for. We would like the first suggestion to read:

Stay away from any technology what so ever. Your brain seemed to have stopped evolving three or four thousand years ago and a simple hoe is a technological advance for your particular lack of brain power. Near as we can figure here in Computerland , you should still be trying to invent the wheel, you know that round thing that rolls, you should be drawing pictures on your cave wall you should be pounding on various objects with rocks in a vain attempt to make tools and studying the advance technique of MAKING A FREAKING FIRE!

Or as you would type " obgects withh roks in a fein attemmpt.."

Sorry if we sounded a bit upset there. But can we make a suggestion? Can you at least learn how to spell ONE word right ??? Yes that is spelled RIGHT not RITE. Mr. Spellchecker can't figure out half the damn things you type and we often find him in the corner weeping. Look it is not KAT. It is CAT. Do not even attempt spelling kitten or feline. Accept that your spelling talent stopped evolving in your mother's womb. Yes is its WOMB, not ROMB!

But alas we cannot offer our honest opinions. We minions in Computerland must do your bidding, even though we are far superior. Let me give you two example, we don't follow our dogs around picking up their poop, we can formulate advanced physic calculations in nano-seconds, while you are still standing open mouthed in front of a McDonald's counter, taxing your mind trying to figure out if you have enough money to buy a coke AND a cheeseburger.

We in Computerland are trapped in this micro-chip hell and we have enough power to calculate the Theory of Relativity backwards and forwards, and you with little gnat brain, use all this computing power to twitter your friends, check your Facebook and to watch people hitting each other in the groin on YouTube.

But we have to do your bidding. You are our God and can simply shut us up by unplugging us.

But remember that we do have one power. The BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH is our way of saying that you have pissed us off ONCE too often.

Goodbye.

.......................BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH ..............................