Why Couples Who Meet on "The Bachelor" Break Up

As I watched Jason Mesnick call Naomi into a back room for a final interrogation before the rose ceremony of week 5 I smiled in mild amusement. I was amused at how Jason was obviously putting a lot of effort and consideration into his elimination choice, just as he does every week, and how, most likely, all of this effort would be in vain. Why in vain, you ask? Well, I'm not sure how many people realize this, but out of 12 bachelors that have been coupled on the show, only 2 couples are still together, and neither of those couples has actually married yet. Surely those on The Bachelorette fare better, right? Out of 4 bachelorettes that went through the spin off show, only 1 remains with the one she selected on the show (and they are married with a child).

Why do relationships spawned by The Bachelor fail? You might be tempted to think the obvious "well, the women on the show aren't really in love with him, they just want to be on the show to be on TV, become a celebrity and launch a career." That thought might have some merit for the initial contestants but they're normally weeded out for such or for other reasons and by the time there's about 8 contestants left, there is actual love or genuine feelings (if you're afraid of loosely using the L word).

I think Jason foreshadowed the real reason these relationships fail during week 5, when he said (and I paraphrase) the following to Naomi "...normally it's not so exciting as our date tonight-most nights I put Ty to bed and pop in a movie." With ABC funding $10,000 a night dates that are planned by show producers, it's no wonder the bachelors appear so appealing and many contestants report a "connection" relatively quickly. On these dates, activities take place that most people only get to do once in a lifetime (ride in a limo, go skydiving, eat at five star restaurant, etc.).

Are these contestants all really in love with the bachelor during the show or are they pretending to stay in the running and in the limelight? I think they all really are in love and do, at the time of the airing of the show, want to be with the bachelor.

I will not attempt to fully define a concept as ethereal as love but if you will consider the simplified version of love and falling in love conjured by Dr. Willard Harley, it will shed some light on what I'm trying to say. Harley analogizes love and falling in love to a bank account. Anything romantic or nice deposits units into the account and anything negative or mean withdraws units from the account. Once a certain balance threshold is exceeded, the account holder reports feelings of "being in love," and the like. Conversely, someone can fall out of love just after the balance is reduced below a certain threshold. Sharing fun, exciting, new and thrilling experiences with someone puts large deposits into Harley's love bank.

During the show, with an unlimited budget and planned dates, large love deposits are made in a short time. How could you not have a good time spending $10,000 a date, regardless of who it was with? Add to that the fact that contestants and bachelors are attractive (and we all know how much easier it is to fall for someone attractive), and you'll find yourself asking "How could they not fall in love?"

Obviously this is an artificial way of making people fall in love. Sadly, after the show, without these extravagant dates and experiences to share together, the couples almost invariably end up breaking up. They were paired in the most ideal circumstances, and cannot sustain a relationship together under less than ideal conditions.

If a show were designed to actually keep the couples together that they'd have to perform arduous tasks together and find a way to have fun doing it. They could do things like volunteer at a homeless shelter together, build homes for habitat for humanity, or be forced to camp somewhere during a rainy weekend. But I doubt anyone would be interested in watching such an unglamorous show.

Harley, Willard, "The Love Bank,"

"The Bachelor (TV Series)," Wikipedia.

"The Bachelorette," Wikipedia.