Why Couples Write Personalized Wedding Vows

In her book, Lies at the Altar, (Hyperion, 2006) Dr Robin L Smith discusses the pros and cons of couples writing their own vows. She says that many people spend hours planning the wedding ceremony and reception but neglect to consider their vows. In fact some skim though the traditional vows for the first time at the wedding rehearsal.


Wedding Vows should be Central to a Wedding

Without wedding vows there would not be a wedding. The vows should actually be the focal point because they are used to bind the couple into marriage. While the words may vary from country to country and culture to culture, the vows are generally words of commitment, love and promises of faithfulness. It is important that couples consider their vows carefully. If they feel the traditional ones are not appropriate, they can write their own version that will carry special meaning for them.


How to Write Personalized Wedding Vows

The internet is a wonderful source of information about weddings and how to write vows. There are hundreds of websites that offer romantic verse, quotes, and templates for writing wedding vows. When considering what is available, couples should bear in mind that their vows should be the public manifestation of a private promise.

Dr Robin L Smith suggests that vows should contain the following four elements:

• State the couple's core beliefs and commitment to each other
• Reflect each other's individuality and personal needs
• Acknowledge the brokenness of life and commit to love and support the other person no matter what
• Declare a commitment to share their lives with family, friends and the wider community

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Personalized Vows

A set of personalized marriage vows can add to the romance of a wedding. The guests may be able to nod in agreement as the couple read vows that are tailor-made for their lives and situation. On the negative side, they tend to be forgotten more quickly as they are only read once. If personalized vows are used it is a good idea to have them printed or written out by a calligrapher and framed as a reminder. Display them in a bedroom or a place where they will be a constant reminder of promises made.


Occasionally the older generation may take exception to their children, grandchildren or great grandchildren using personalized vows. Some may go as far as to exert pressure for the traditional vows to be used. The couple should go with what they want as it is their wedding and their choice.


Personalized wedding vows are common these days but the importance of vows in general is often underestimated. They should be the central focus of the wedding and written with a purpose in mind. Whether the vows are traditional or personalized, a framed reminder in the home can help keep couples focused in the right direction.