Why I Despise Myspace

Myspace is dead to me. No longer do its benefits outweigh its faults, and I have simply had enough. Now don't get me wrong, the site is good for some things. Myspace is an excellent tool for meeting people. It has revolutionized the way that folks socialize, and I have the utmost respect for that. The possibilities on Myspace are endless. If you are a 42-year old male seeking a 14-year old girl for casual sex, Myspace can provide you with the means for a long lasting relationship filled with painful sodomy and years of psychological counseling.

By allowing pre-teen girls who are full of themselves to post revealing photos, Myspace is just inviting predators. It's like Tom is bringing a case of beer to an AA meeting- there's bound to be trouble. Sure, the thought of creepy old men cranking it to the junior prom pictures of some lonely, slightly overweight dance team member bothers me. But that isn't the least of the site's problems that irk me.

Tom is always finding a way to screw up the log-in procedure, or deleting my "About Me" section. I might as well change my background to the error screen.

We're Sorry! Myspace has experienced an unexpected error! This error will be forwarded to the Myspace group.

Okay, first off, you aren't sorry. And the error wasn't unexpected. I was thoroughly expecting not to be able to log in, because that's the way it usually is. Maybe Myspace needs people like me on their staff to sit around all day and predict errors for them. I think I'd be pretty good at it. And who is this Myspace Error Group anyway? Some shadowy group of keyboard punching patriots that read every error that Myspace makes and amazingly corrects them? No way! They are probably a bunch of middle-aged, pansy paper pushers who sit around a desk all day eating donuts and wishing they hadn't wasted 12 years of their life taking C++ classes at MIT.

Wait, maybe there is no error team... that would probably make more sense.

Myspace is also a source for never-ending drama. Relationships aren't official until they are "Myspace Official," and your significant other will always pester you as to why they aren't number one in your top 8, 10, 12 or whatever. For God's sake, maybe I like Metallica more that you. You ever consider that?

I also can't stand the way some gentleman post pictures of themselves shirtless, flexing their abs and expecting hoards of young teenage girls to post countless picture comments. Maybe if the comments themselves weren't so incredibly asinine I wouldn't be bothered by it as much.

***sOoOoOo HOttttt****

~wat a cutie!!!!!!!~

;) yOuR sucha BaBe ;)

Are you people clinically retarded? What purposes do these messages serve? If you're that insecure and desperate to have your ego massaged, go masturbate or something, don't fill Myspace with your terrible grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

And why are there pictures of your abs anyway? Oh, you're not obese? Good for you! Screw you and your athletic body, go flaunt it to someone who cares.

Another thing that just drives me up the wall is when impressionable users will post something akin to 500 chain mail bulletins a day. You know the type, the ones that have some long ass story about a girl who likes a guy, and then she somehow ends up getting shot or slitting her wrists or something. I say good for her! Suicide is just like natural selection in my mind; if you're that stupid, by all means, relieve the world of the burden you're placing on us. And all those times you said no one liked you, you were probably right anyway. No one likes a whiny suicidal bitch. But anyway, if you don't repost this retarded message in 10 minutes, you'll have 8 years of bad luck! Or maybe the dead girl will show up on your ceiling tonight while you're asleep! Or maybe you'll die in the middle of the night! Maybe you'll die right now! Who knows?

The question I ask myself when I read these things is this:

Why would someone post such garbage?

And it is a question that is exceedingly difficult to answer. Does this girl actually BELIEVE that these things are going to happen to her? Is she posting it out of fear? Is it because she thinks the ludicrous story bears a good message? Did some one hack on to her account and post it?

So all in all, Tom needs to get his act together. Maybe if he wasn't listening to secret Dashboard Confessional concerts he'd realize how messed up his site is. I challenge you Tom. I challenge you to improve Myspace.

And if you don't do it in the next ten minutes, you'll die in your sleep tonight AND have 10 years of bad relationships.