Why I Did Not Listen When They Said "Put Your Child in Day Care"

My family calls it being cooped up all day, and not letting my daughter be around other kids, spectators say I need to take a break and get out of the house, others say my daughter needs to be around other people than her immediate family of three. These are the voices of people who comment on my choice to be a stay at home mom. It seems as though they are turning what is supposed to be a positive decision into a negative one. Despite how annoying and sometimes hurtful some of their comments can be, I just remind myself that these comments are made by people with limited knowledge of staying at home with children because they have opted to work full-time for fear of raising sheltered, anti-social- children who suffer from separation. or because they had no choice but to work outside the home.

I choose to stay at home with my child because it is essential for me to be there to raise and care for her. I always say to myself, my social life can always be rebuilt but I can not get back the first years of my daughter's life, so I indulge in the time I get to spend with her. The idea of day care did cross my mind, but I just could not bear to send her, because images of teacher's neglecting her, other children, hitting and fighting her, began to fill my mind. I even thought about her getting sick from the other kids frequently and, I thought about how much our bond would loosen. All those thoughts were scary, so from there, I made a vow to myself to avoid putting my daughter in daycare. From that point on, I adjusted my life for what I see as her convenience. for our bond, and for her security, and for maybe my assurance.

My daughter used to suffer from separation anxiety, whenever I had to leave her she would throw tantrums and not let anyone console her, a relative made a snippy comment saying that she would only get worse, if I did not let her go to daycare. This angered me greatly because this relative refused to see that my daughter was throwing a tantrum for a reason and it was because she did not feel secure, and that she needed me, to help build her security. I was even told that I shouldn't carry her around the house a lot because I would not get anything done. I did not take their advice and two years later I have an emotionally, healthy, independent, secure two year old.

I stayed home with my baby and no, I didn't keep her locked in the house everyday, we went for walks around the block, we went to parks, and beaches, we went to the library I signed her up for parent-child playgroups where she could interact with babies her age as well as adults. I believed my daughter benefited greatly from me staying home with her, I have been able to teach her new things each day. We spend time reading books, learning numbers, colors, playing and making music and doing arts and crafts and various projects that help her learn. Despite what people have said bout "sheltered" children, my daughter is very smart, she is very vocal, her vocabulary is expansive and clear, and she has no problem at all formulating sentences. When we have to separate she does much better and I know it's because she is secure now, she knows that mommy is not leaving her. Staying at home with her has made our stronger which has given her the confidence to interact with others. My daughter is not anti-social or reclusive she is a people -person.

I am glad I did not listen to those who told me not to stay at home with my child.I believe that it's the bond between parents that determines a child's emotional success, and sometimes physical success like career wise, or as far as goal setting. I don't look down or judge parents who have to work outside of the home or parents who choose not to stay at home with their children for their own personal beliefs, I just believe that sometimes we leave our children too early, leaving little time for creating a secure bond, which in some children may cause attachment problems which then may effect social skills. Of course my beliefs are just my own, there have been reported cases of children having a strong bond with their parents despite going to daycare and I agree that once a child is secure with a strong bond with parent(s) that he/she will be able to separate without jeopardizing the parent child bond. My daughter is more secure than she was a year ago and she show signs of an eagerness to be around other children now, and to support this urge, I am going to enroll her in a toddler group, for once a week for 3 hours by herself.

Just look for the signs that your children give and follow them, they may show signs of insecurity, or even independence you just have to examnme them closesly and support them,

Every parent is different and every child and family is different, moms should do what's best for them whether it's to go out and work or stay at home with the kids. I just wanted it known that not all stay at home children are sheltered, reclusive, anti social. Or possess a great problem with separation of anxiety, it all depends on the way parents, raise their child.