Why Doctors Do Not Know Everything in Regard to Human Conception

We all know them-the women who get pregnant on their wedding night or not long thereafter. My mom was having her monthly period the day she married my dad but gave birth to my brother nine months and sixteen days later. These tend to be the same women who tell those who have issues getting pregnant they simply are trying too hard. Every woman who has ever tried to conceive a child with difficulty has heard the phrase, "stop worrying and it will happen." This statement is hurtful and cruel. It is also a false statement as someone who wants to be pregnant cannot will herself not to be.

Please take this article for what it is-my experience and what I learned through two years of trying to have a child. My experience is not the typical as I had ovarian cancer at ages 9 and 15, thyroid disease, a stunted ovary, advanced endometriosis, and other problems. The point is that I did get pregnant---three times in 18 months to be exact although we lost a twin extremely early in the pregnancy with my son. I state this here somewhat as a disclaimer. My degree is in psychology-not obstetrics.

Before my husband and I married, I knew we wanted a baby. We married in August 2002 and I immediately began charting my temperatures on fertilityfriend.com. I invested in a fertility monitor and purchased countless sticks all saying I was ovulating. I knew I was ovulating from the pain around my remaining ovary and occasional spotting. The charting became too stressful for me. My charts showed very uneven temperatures and the inevitable drop in temperature signifying my period was to begin was excruciatingly painful.

So, I gave up. Well, I did not completely give up obviously or I would not have a 6 year old and a little girl who turns 5 next month. I stopped charting, didn't buy OPKs or sticks for the fertility monitor, and tried to focus entirely on body signs. Giving up the OPKs was difficult as I was somewhat addicted to peeing on a stick. I changed my focus and began using pregnancy tests instead. Well, sort of. My only positive pregnancy tests were known after the doctor tested me and I did not expect them. I then went to the store and bought ten of my own each time. I even still have them!

When I left St. Jude hospital I was told fertility could be an issue for me. I received Bleomyacin, Etiposide, and Cisplatin at fairly high doses when I was 15 years old. I had problems in addition to the cancer so I began believing pregnancy would not happen without fertility treatment. I knew I would be able to afford treatments only if I went on to graduate school. My focus for the early months of 2003 was school.

Maybe there is something to be said for taking one's mind off trying to conceive. I did not immediately become pregnant but focusing more clearly on my body signs empowered me to be better aware of when ovulation occurred and when the best time to conceive was. OPKs and fertility monitor sticks only measure when ovulation will occur within the next 12-48 hours. Sometimes a woman can have an LH surge (the mark of being fertile) and never ovulate.

The sign I began checking was my cervix position. It was odd at first since I'm not keen on sticking my fingers in my body. I peed on sticks though-I definitely wanted a baby! This sign was a direct indication ovulation was occurring soon. Once I began focusing solely on the position of my cervix (high, open, and soft), I was pregnant within three months. When we tried to get pregnant a second time I used solely this method as well. That time it took four months to conceive our daughter.

Infertility is one of the most painful conditions of all. When my now 10 year old nephew was born, I remember crying on the way home from the hospital thinking I would never be a mother because of having had cancer. Life has an unusual way of unfolding sometimes. My doctors have admitted to me that pregnancy and carrying a baby to term was not something they expected for me-much less twice in 18 months. If you are having issues getting pregnant, take heart. Many others have been there and I am aware my struggles for two years are minor compared to many.

I do not know if those reading this are people of faith but I am. I believe many times pregnancy is held off until the perfect time. I was suicidal during the period I wanted to get pregnant with my son. One prayer asking if God still loved me and we were ok brought an answer three weeks later when I went to the doctor for a sinus infection. I never dreamed I would get pregnant and it was the only way he could make it obvious the prayer was answered we are still on good terms. Never assume the answer to a prayer is no--it could just be not right now.
When you get pregnant, make sure you come back to my article so I can give you congrats on beginning what has been one amazing journey.