Why You Don't Have to Breastfeed & Shouldn't Feel Guilty About It
For any of you who are pregnant, or may someday have a baby, the question of whether to nurse or to bottle feed is a big one. There is a lot of pressure to breastfeed, and for good reason: breast milk is best for your baby, largely because it provides your baby with your antibodies, keeping the little one safe from catching an illness from you.
However, you should not feel pressured or shamed into nursing. While your milk will provide some benefits to your child's immune system, immunity on the whole is established by many different factors. Genetics, environment, and close frequent exposure to other children are some of these factors. I draw this conclusion from experience. I was only able to nurse (well, pump and bottle-feed) my daughter for the first couple weeks, while my sister nursed her son for most of his first year. In sixteen months, my daughter has not had any real illnesses. My nephew, two months younger, has had a couple serious illnesses. He was in daycare for a few months, exposing him to all different kinds of germs. My daughter, on the other hand, was cared for by her grandmothers. So do not feel like you are giving your child a death sentence if you do not nurse. Formula is not harmful, though it does not provide all the same benefits.
Another reason pro-nursing people will give you to do so is the emotional connection. They will tell you that there is nothing more special than holding your baby to you and looking into those little eyes. Well, I held my daughter close to me, and looked into her little eyes as I gave her a bottle, and I honestly do not think anyone can possibly love their child as much as I do mine. We have been best friends since her birth. There is absolutely no lack of connection. Love is more than breastfeeding. Do not let anyone make you think you love your child less or will be less connected to him or her if you choose to bottle-feed.
Let me also be honest with you about another emotional aspect: some women simply do not feel that joy and comfort when they try nursing. I found it frustrating and painful, and was in tears because I was failing when a nurse finally told me, "it's okay. Do what makes you comfortable, because in the end that is going to be better for the baby." She was right. Being panicky and upset is not going to make the baby comfortable, and is certainly not going help your bonding. That night when I lovingly gave my daughter a bottle, a wave of comfort washed over me. I was comfortable with her.
Breastfeeding is best for your child, if it works for you. Formula today is making great advances in nutritional benefits, so while it cannot capture your antibodies, it is good for your child. Pumping is another great option, even if it is only for a couple weeks. I pumped before my milk even came in so that my daughter could get the colostrum, which is like the healthiest thing on earth. Do what you are comfortable with. The only person you should let affect your opinion is your baby's father, since he should get some say in his child's care. But mothers, mothers-in-law (especially), doctors, nurses, and breastfeeding advocates do not get to push you into anything you are not comfortable with, especially if they are trying to use guilt as a motivating factor. Talk to your baby's father, make a decision, and only change that decision if you feel differently once the baby has actually arrived. Remember, breast milk is the best choice, but a happy mommy is necessary.
Published by Kate F
Writing has always been a behind-the-scenes interest for Kate, so now as a stay-at-home mom, she has plenty of time to finally get the words in her head into an actual article. View profile
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26 Comments
Post a Commenti agree with what meggie said. I completely feel that way too, there's an unexplainable connection between me and my son. I am so happy that until now I breastfeed him. he's 13months now :)
Thank you!!! The world pressures women into breastfeeding. So when my body shutdown and I was only able to pump .25 oz in an hour, I felt like a failure, a bad mother, and like I had to be secretive about feeding since I had to rely on formula.
The saying "breast is best" has just been a source of pain and aggravation. There is no substantial scientific data that proves formula fed babies are more prone to colds or have lower IQs. Yet people chant breast is best like it's a hard fact. Breast is not best if the child is starving and the mom is stressed out.
I do wish women would respect other women for the choice they make
If you love your baby, you do what is best. Breast milk is best.
you say that formula is safe, but what mother would want to feed their babies bug parts and milk contaminated with plastic and who knows what else?!?! I agree that there are some instances when bf'ing is not possible but it IS the best and safest thing for baby. It was the best choice for me and my baby and I think everyone who can should at least try!
Kate, I'm so sorry that your breastfeeding experience was hard. I think you're a rock star for trying and for pumping for awhile, too. :)
I think it's important to realize that breast is normal, and that so many women fail not because they have insurmountable issues, but because they don't have people there to help them and hold their hand when they're feeling as frustrated as you did. I hope breastfeeding will become normalized enough soon that a mom who is having a hard time, like you, can get the help she needs/deserves.
Oh yes, and for all the moms that say Breastfeeding is worth it if you have the time for it. Breastfeeding is part of being a mother if you aren't willing to Breastfeed and give it as much work as you can getting help, asking questions and even going to groups support if you need it then you should have the baby in the first place. So your child has a temper tantrum and you just give up! No! You keep at it or your child will suffer from it in the long run. Working for your child is a mothers job! If you aren't willing to put in the effort then don't do it.
This is the biggest load of crap and I say this in the nicest way. I have bottle fed and Breastfed my son. I found bottle feeding to leave me compleately detached of emotion when I did it. I was happy to figure out I had encressed my milk supply enough not to worry about the stupid bottles! I could say out all day and not worry if my son had enough food for the day. I could go to friends houses then the mall and the park and to friends houses again showing off my baby without ever worrying if I would need to make a bottle. I just nursed my son where ever I was and never worried about covering up what I was doing. It was natural. I wasn't feeding my son cemicals or milk from another mammal. I was the one feeding my son! My son could go anywhere with me and I didn't worry about him getting sick and not having to enject him with a bunch of vaccines/poison. Unless I was at work my son went everywhere! Until he was one I didn't worry about having other food aroud for him other then my Breas
anna b i have never heard of a baby being allergic to breast milk, however they can be allergic to something that the mother is eating such as lactose. as for the article nobody ever said that you don't love your child as much if you don't breastfeed. but you also will never understand the connection you have to your child when you do just as i will never understand the connection with my child if i formula fed. there is a stronger bond when you breast feed for the simple fact of the mental stimulation and satisfaction of being able to have your child flourish and grow from your own body and contain everything that they need within you. and the feeling of your child knowing that your the ONLY one that nourishes them. when my son is being held by someone else and he gets hungry and starts fussing a little and then he sees me coming he smiles and you can see his face relax with such peace. nobody else can make him feel that way, and its an irreplaceable feeling. i do not bash anybody wh
i think she meant 1 year of dealing with the breastfeeding ordeal is worth a lifetime for your child. i agree after the first 1-2 months of hardship its a piece of cake. its really hard to get past though, i wouldnt have made it without my bf. also one child getting an illness that yours doesnt is a terrible way to try and say breastfeeding is "worse" she may take her son to a different store then you do, she may be exposed to different people the you and carry the viruses back home. he is also build differently then your daughter(are you sharing fathers?). i think breastfeed is a closer way of bonding to your daughter because its bear skin contact and something you gave time and effort for that will help her in the future. it sound like this story is something your trying to prove to why its better then breastfeeding. everyone knows its not, but it seems like in this your trying to convince yourself it is. my opinion.
Heather B, you may not believe that a healthy, happy mommy is as important as the "lifelong benefits", but I'm sorry - you are WRONG and it's a shame that you would ever make someone feel that way. There is a reason that on an airplane you are instructed in case of emergency to put on your OWN airmask before those of any children in your care. You cannot live up to your potential as a parent if you are not looking after yourself.