Why Don't Men Approach Women in Bars?

The Subtle Nuance of Being Drunk and Approachable

Aster C. Lilly
I was out last night when I realized that there are basically two types of women to approach in bars.

I'm sure most women know this scenario by heart.

The first group of girls was two drunk 20-something girls in '80s dresses and fancy mixed drinks. I think they wanted to dance, but they were a little too tipsy for me. I'm not the party guy, I don't want wild women with crazy problems and poor memories.

The other group of girls I noticed were two blondes sitting near the bar; they seemed enraptured with each other. They were ignoring everyone in the bar. No men were hitting on them, they were only entertaining each other. I'm sure in their heads they were thinking "How can I get a guy to talk to me?"

Now, the two extremes here should be obvious. The drunk party girls are too much fun, while the boring blondes are not fun enough. Most guys would want to talk to the drunk fun girls because they're drunk and apparently easy. The only problem with talking to drunk girls is that they're drunk. They're going to be obnoxious. Most women do not want to appear to be cheap floozies.

(In fact, I think some women don't even realize that they're dressing and acting like floozies but that's an entirely different article. In their minds, they're simply behaving normally, or they're not expecting other people to react to what they're wearing or saying.)

Secondly, the problem with the boring blondes is that they're just way too boring. No one wants to get caught in a "So, what do you do?" conversation. It's usually over before it begins.

Even if the boring blondes were a lot more attractive than the drunk girls, I would still want to talk to the drunk girls simply by virtue of the fact that they're having fun.

Keep in mind, I wouldn't want to date the drunk girls; but I might want to be friends with the blondes. The drunk girls would be seriously into getting drunk and having a roaring-good time, but after the party, I might be left with an empty feeling that we had nothing in common other than that simple moment of inebriation.

In fact, over the course of the night, the drunk girls were approached by several men. Many of the guys danced with the girls, but none of the guys actually sat down and talked with the girls for an extended period of time. It was like an 8th-grade dance.

The blondes on the other hand were not approached by any men. They appeared bored, drank their drinks, and chatted. They were attractive girls; it's just that they did not seem to have any personality. I looked at them and thought to myself "They are hot, but they bore me."

For me at least, I like girls who are a mix between the two extremes represented here. I want to go out and have a great time, but unless I find some sort of connection with the girl after a cold pick-up, I'm not going to stick around emotionally to see if there's something more than just that one moment. Even making friends with drunk girls seems ridiculous. They're there for one reason, to get wasted and have a blast.

This is one of the main problems that happens in the bar scene, there are plenty of short-term friends and one-night stands, but there's little communication that goes on.

It would be so much simpler if everyone wore a sign that said "Just looking to hook up" or "Just being social" or "Maybe I'm Your Future Ex-Wife".

Published by Aster C. Lilly

Aster C. Lilly is a freelance writer living in Chicago, IL. He has a complex background and a working knowledge of hundreds of subjects, most of which are interesting.  View profile

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